GaryGS1

Back to Journal Recent Comments

Category 6. Humor

2009-05-31
17:04

Looking For My CarKeys Video... This is a few minutes of fun...

Listed in category: 6. Humor.

Comments (0)

2009-05-07
15:33

25 REASONS I OWE MY MOTHER

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE .
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL .
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week !"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
" Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7... My mother taught me IRONY
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATI ON.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING .
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18.... My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT .
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand..."

0A25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE



"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you.

Listed in category: 6. Humor.

Comments (1)

2009-03-29
0:35

George Carlin's Views on Aging!!!

Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about ageing that you think in fractions.

'How old are you?' 'I'm four and a half!' You're never thirty-six and a half. You're four and a half, going on five! That's the key.

You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.

'How old are you?' 'I'm gonna be 16!' You could be 13, but hey, you're gonna be 16! And then the greatest day of your life ..... . You become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony. YOU BECOME 21. YESSSS!!!

But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! He TURNED; we had to throw him out. There's no fun now, you're Just a sour-dumpling. What's wrong? What's changed?

You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40. Whoa! Put on the brakes, it's all slipping away. Before you know it, you REACH 50 and your dreams are gone.

But wait!!! You MAKE it to 60. You didn't think you would!

So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and MAKE it to 60.

You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday!

You get into your 80's and every day is a complete cycle; you HIT lunch; you TURN 4:30 ; you REACH bedtime. And it doesn't end there Into the 90s, you start going backwards; 'I Was JUST 92.'

Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again. 'I'm 100 and a half!'

May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!!




HOW TO STAY YOUNG

1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay 'them'

2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.

3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle. 'An idle mind is the devil's workshop.' And the devil's name is Alzheimer's.

4. Enjoy the simple things.

5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.

6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person, who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive.

7. Surround yourself with what you love , whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.

8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.

9. Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county; to a foreign country but NOT to where the guilt is.

10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER :

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

Listed in category: 6. Humor.

Comments (1)

2008-10-22
12:05

Funny Stuff!!! "Things That Make Ya Go "Hmmmmm"...

Can you cry under water?
-----------------------------------------------------------------
How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Why do you have to 'put your two cents in'... but it's only a 'penny for your thoughts'? Where's that extra penny going to?
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
-----------------------------------------------------------------
What disease did cured ham actually have?
--------------- --------------------------------------------------
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up like every two hours?
-----------------------------------------------------------------
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Why do doctors leave the room while you change?
They're going to see you naked anyway.
------------------------------------------------------- - ---------
Why is 'bra' singular and 'panties' plural?
----------------------------------------------------------------
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
-----------------------------------------------------------------
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane ?
-----------------------------------------------------------------
If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours?
They're both dogs!
-----------------------------------------------------------------
If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all th at ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
-----------------------------------------------------------------
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
-----------------------------------------------------------------
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

Listed in category: 6. Humor.

Comments (0)

2006-03-05
0:07

Worlds Youngest Fotki Member (Thanks for the Humor Peter)

Enjoy this little movie!!! Courtesy of
<a href=http://public.fotki.com/Pedro23>http://public.fotki.com/Pedro23</a>

PS,,, you can double click on the movie to fill your screen,. double click again to go back!!!

<embed name="RAOCXplayer" src="http://garygs1.com/WhenJapaneseBabyisBorn.mpg" type="application/x-mplayer2" width="600" height="500" ShowC.0 ShowStatusBar="1" AutoSize="true" loop="true" EnableC.0 DisplaySize="0
" pluginspage="http://www.microsoft.com/Windows/Downloads/Contents/Products/MediaPlayer/">

Listed in category: 6. Humor.

Comments (3)

2006-01-14
19:20

Einstein the Bird Movie

Enjoy this little movie!!! Gary

PS,,, you can double click on the movie to fill your screen,. double click again to go back!!!


<embed name="RAOCXplayer" src="http://garygs1.com/einsteinthebird.wmv" type="application/x-mplayer2" width="600" height="500" ShowC.0 ShowStatusBar="1" AutoSize="true" loop="true" EnableC.0 DisplaySize="0
" pluginspage="http://www.microsoft.com/Windows/Downloads/Contents/Products/MediaPlayer/">

Listed in category: 6. Humor.

Comments (0)