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My dear husband wrote this to me today, March 14, 2009 on our 10th anniversary of being together.... and once again I know one of the many reasons I LOVE this awesome human being... thank you my love... yours always... ME
Like the setting sun seen in the western sky the newness and beauty seen in you are a source of the truth that all is well in a world so often dulled by all that I behold. Like the sun that gives warmth, I am the sunflower that has no choice but to follow your light and needs it to sustain my spirit. The dreams and fears, the hopes and even childlike biases are there for you to see; yet you still embrace me and welcome me unerringly each morning as your own.As the nights enclose me, offering portents and troubled slumber; you are there to embrace my spirit and allow for the repose that is so needed in times of crisis. Each day more of you is offered, for your love appears as unending as the stars themselves...the well from which all in your sphere drink to realize the hope that exists if only because you are in it to shine.
Happy 10th anniversary meu bem!!!
Lots of people have asked me on how to place a graphic on your Fotki Guestbook so I decided to place here the instructions I got from Peter as he placed a photo on my Guestbook and I went back and asked him how to do that... and he instructed me and that is how I am able to do so now:
Here is his message:
Hi Jay,
Under the photo you want to post, click on Share Photo" and use the HTML for "Code for a Fotki Journal" Copy and paste everything including the brackets.
Once you place that in the guestbook... it will now show the picture until you actually send it thru... all you see is the brackets and code you just pasted... but do not worry... just send it in and voila!!! the picture will be there.
If you make a mistake, you can always go back and "edit" your message and fix it...
If you have any questions you can always leave me a message at my guestbook and I will try to help you as much as I can.
Good luck! xoxo, Jay
Hi everyone....
Hope you are having a better day than mine....
I have lived a bit... and still cannot understand certain "human behavior" and I get so upset!!! I don't understand why these things bothers me so.... grrrrrr... lol
I just wanted anyone that comes to my Fotki to understand... if you do not know me by now... I am the last person in the world to agree, like, and spread rumors or "drama" in any shape or form.
I have been thru a lot of it through out these years.. in the "real" world and in the "cyber" one... but I have stayed neutral thru it all... and I was not understood by many people of why I was neutral and my reasons for it... but it is because I do not agree with gossip, and rummors, and "drama" in any shape or form. I have made that clear to anyone that talks to me... and to all that asked me in confidence about it.
So now I make this plain and clear to anyone that bothers to read this now... here... in "cyber land"... so if anyone assumes I create, spread, or manipulate it, you do not KNOW me at all!!! Please do get to know me... you might have a friend for life!
I would only ask you to please, if you are, to stop gossiping about me... If you are my friend and have asked me my opinion about any subject, you surely have received an answer from me (like many of you did). I always try to answer anyone back in anything they ask me.... and so you KNOW... I have all of it, letters, guestbook entries, emails, everything that I ever open, read, or respond, and they are saved and filed by date. I have a program that does that for me automatically and it is because of my legal work and these are proofs I need to present in Court and/or to be paid for my minutes, seconds working on line as I am paid by hour for my work...(and also because now the web is used in Court through out the US). So it does not mater if it is erased or if I deleted an email.. the program records it... and I have to put a disc on my external and copy the record of it and date it every single day.... I did not do that because I wanted to save everything but the program does that on it's own in anything that is recorded in any space of mine in the web... and now I am actually glad I have it... Please stop changing my words... I never say anything that is negative to someone about someone... or try not to. It is not my style. I might laugh about certain things... but only to very close friends... and people that I trust will not use my words against me.
I am an attorney by profession... and even though I am on disability right now I did not forget what I know... and one of the things I know is that I know the effects of words... they can construct or destroy someone.... I love justice and I stick to decisions I feel are in the limits of justice... and it is unfair that in retribution people go around saying things I did not say. I know this is just cyber space... my mind knows that, but my spirit still feels sadness when I hear things that are unjust and it gets to me.
Sorry... I do not like saying these things in public... but I feel I have to. So, anyone that is doing anything against me, know that I have all my letters saved in disc, they are dated, and stop changing my words so you can continue to gossip. That is not nice! And that comes my question in undestanding some of "human behavior" and how come some people thrive in meddling and gossiping...
So, please... if you are my friend... do not use me this way... I do not appreciate it... and it actually has me feeling sick right now... and yes... it is just a computer... but even though my mind knows that... my soul is crying...
You never know... about the human being across the miles on the other side of this screen... I personally am battleling with depression... and it plays tricks on you... so please be careful when you "play" with people...
I have a strong family and a husband that loves me... and "real" friends next to me and in the web... so I have people I can rely on to give me support, but some other poor person out there might not have this support and something you say just to procreate gossip might hurt someone really bad.... and YOU will be responsible..... because you should not (if you cannot say something nice about someone) say something to bring them down... we should try to better ourselves and try everyday to be good and bring people up instead of down...
Well, I said my peace!... this is my lil space in the world and at least here I can be frank and talk freely... think of me what you wish... I am what I am... and I have not changed... unless it is to better myself... this is not an attempt to justify anything... it is simply stating facts in the clear... so if anyone says anything different... if you do not know me, then you would know I do not act this way.... Don't take words said to you in friendship, in private, about private feelings and place them incorrectly out there... it is not fair and some people even go to Court to prove fraud and defamation of character when things like this happens... it is ugly, and mean... it is destructive and not for good.
Off course I am human.... and in by being human there are things I do involuntarily that might be wrong or even might hurt someone's feelings...as I am not perfect... but when I do these things, I hope I am given a chance to correct myself... and I try never do these mistakes again.... and I try to grow and learn from them.... But so you know that my thoughts to my friends, family, and even to total strangers out there is only to do the best I can to make them happy... and that is my TRUTH.... to bring someone a smile, to encourage them... to feel productive and positive.... that is what you should know about me by now if you are my friend.... and if you don't there it is:.... if anyone saying anything that is contrary to this, know that it is not coming from me, it was taken out of context, it was manipulated, it was changed and it is being done to "play" with our feelings!
Again, sorry this is in public. I had to... I don't want to know who is doing this... it would probably hurt me too much... so I had to put it out in the clear.... now it is said and done... I will try not to "stay" in it....
I hope you all have a good weekend... Much love and peace.... Jay (Vanya Jeanne Stokes)
Through my mom, Beatriz Irene, lovingly called Bia/Bea by her friends, I learned mostly everything I know. I know I always wanted to be close to Dad, but I did that because I knew my mom was already close to me.
I was conceived at my parents honey-moon. My mom says she prayed and prayed because they (my parents) were too close at the end of their engagement and she did not want anything to go wrong and "people-thinking-bad-things" (in case I was born early!) hahahahahaha...
I was born October 1st on the first minute of the day (so I was born exactly the day that completed my mom's 9th month of pregnancy). That is so amazing to me.
Mom tells me that I was almost born inside the toillet as she only felt like going #2.... hahahaha... she was told by all these women that she was going to feel terrible pain, but she didn't. She said I was the easiest baby she had. The nurse came in looking for her, she was in the bathroom...trying to go... and the nurse looked and saw my head... hahahahaha.... she closed my mom's legs and rushed her to the delivery room but I was out before they got there and according to my mom she heard this "chock-chock" sound and the nurse showed me upside down to her and I was sucking my thumb!!! To tell you the truth I fight everyday not to do so today... 44 yrs later!!!
You should hear my mom screaming.... she has this soft, educated voice... that sings to you... you can never tell she is upset unless you know her like a do... lol... her lips just disappear and become this thin line around her lips... She also calls me by my full name... hahahahaha...
No matter how old I will be, or she will be for that matter, I am still her baby. Life went around and my parents, missionaries, went everywhere... well, I went with them. My mom had a guitar (accustic or electric) on me as she was getting bigger... she says it was a good rest for the guitar. They (my parents) sang together and recorded christian songs. They brought electric guitars that they brought from here (U.S.) to christian churches in Brazil... and other countries. They were almost "christian hippies" hahahahaha.... (that is what I reminded them so many times when they used to get upset with us listenning to rock-and-roll).
My dad, believe it or not, was a shy person. You could not think so listenning to him preaching to masses of people at a time and singing up there in front of lots of people. He always told me he was preaching to mom. He would concentrate his attention to her face in the crowd and preach to her.
My mom is that kind of person that will never send someone out of our house without having a full ( I mean FULL) stomach. She will not send anyone out of the house without something if they need it. She will stay without but give.
Her way of life, her beauty (not only outside but inside) has made me what I am today. I find myself repeating things I heard her say all my life... slowly as I get older I am being "my mom" and I like it. I cannot think of anything wrong my mom ever did on purpose. She says she made lots of mistakes... but these are criticism she can give now looking at what she did and knowing the future... at the time she supposedly commited those mistakes... that she says she did, she was doing the most kind and correct thing she thought she could possibly do or more.
For being who she is and for giving me life and making sure that my life is happy and content ( a task she is still going at it ) I say I have the most beautiful mom in the world... and one day is not enough to celebrate this GREAT woman... my mother. I try my best to honor her and I do my best to protect and love her EVERYDAY!!!
I thank my sister Debbie and her husband Anderson to having mom with them. I have a wonderful family that sorround my mom with love and protection everyday.... Thanks to Sheyla and her husband Chevo, and Rick and his wife Deanne, and Daniel and his wife Sylvia, Josh and his wife Tracy, for all you have done to make mom and dad happy.... You make me so proud of all of you. You do not choose who your brother and sister is... but I am sooooo glad I was stuck with you guys... no matter what, you are a bunch of GREAT human beings... I love you!
And MOM... you KNOW I love you!!!! This is just another lil reminder.... Happy Mom's Day!
One can endure sorrow alone, but it takes two to be glad. by Elbert Hubbard
The most unhappy of all men is he who believes himself to be so. by David Hume
Planning for happiness is rarely successful. Happiness just happens. by Robert Half
What are words? You think them, you say they, you hear them, record and sing them...
John Quincy Adams said something about human beings that really strikes me. He said that "...the influence of each human being on others in this life is a kind of immortality..." and I do believe that. I believe each person is an Universe in themselves... there are so many possibilites... and that is why I write... as it has been proven to me by means I cannot disclose that even these lil words I type here, have influenced others... and that gives me such a rush of how much power words can have.
Some might say it is nothing... I say that doing nothing is the hardest work... at least for me... as I just wonder what could have happened if I had dare to SAY something.... so for me, time is not wasted if I spend my time submitting myself to have any positive influence upon someone else's life, on the contrary... it brings me joy to know that through my learning, through my sorrows... I might help someone be relieved of theirs....
Listen, we are all constructors of lifes... we are all sculpturos, all painters, and our material is ourselves... our bones, flesh, the essence of what we are... we all build one another... and by sharing your "words" you help someone else that maybe is going through the same things you were or are going through... they feel they have company... they feel they are not alone... as words when written, sang, spoken... they create a life of their own.... "words are the the voice of the heart..." said Confucius... and I agree!
There is never enough time... Never... to say goodbye to someone we love... to say our last word... of love, desire, faith, remorse... even the Bible says about Jesus as being "the Word" and the "Word became flesh and lived among us!"
Words can be a tool for good or bad, as words are the most powerful drug used by mankind... it can bring someone up or down... it can influence children, teens... and even adults...
The power of words is immense in my point of view... as a well-chosen word have even stopped a flying army, has changed defeat into victory, and has saved empires...
And there is no efford... all you have to do is believe... believe you will find happiness and confess it. I do that everyday... and doing so I have survived.
So my advise is: Be careful... because if your foot slips... well you may recover your balance... but if your tongue slips... you will never be able to recover your words... so please do not use your words as a loaded pistol... use them for peace.... for honor and greatness... so please be careful in what you say... as words have a life on their own...
Hello there...
Robert Louis Stevenson said something a while ago that is true today... he said: "...No man is useless while he has a friend..." and that is sooo true I can attest.
Simple words, a thank you, a smile, lil gestures of care that can make big differences that we are not even aware of. I can say this from experience. For many years together with my family I helped many people. On the beginning it was because I actually had no choice. My parents missionaries helped people everywhere, my house was like a full hotel... lol... my mom took care of everyone... and everything we had was either given to us and like a revolving door given to others by us.... lol.. I can actually say I lived "everywhere" literally... lol... but as time went by that became me. It is hard for me, really hard, to watch the news and see so much suffering. The biggest part of the core of what I am melts away wanting to do something to help. It is this immense feeling almost overbearing... of wanting to do something...
But with all this background, I never really understood what depression is. "Why can't you just snap out of it!" I used to say to my dear best friend growing up... when he was soo depressed... Now I know better...
It is a constant battle everyday... trying to find things to be happy about. Always trying to see the other side of the half-empty cup.... making sure I see the half-full side of life...
One of the ways find my peace is in giving... doing my lil tags and snagging for people. That is the only thing I actually can do... I cannot drive (because of the Meds I am taking); I cannot work at this time (because the doctor will not sign my release and the kind of job I do requires such); I live in an area that is mostly residences and no businesses I could go to. So I am stuck here until Edd (my hubby) comes home and when he does most of the times he is tired and I feel guilty to ask him to take me places.... so...
I find peace reading messages and thank you messages, helping people in counseling online... and things I can do from my computer.
So... for all of you out there that do not understand what depression is... if you understand that one lil message and/or smile can make someone else's life a lil better... that will help millions...
And I keep surviving... here goes YIPPIE to another day!
Socrates said that "an unexamined life is not worth living!"
Hurray for Socrates...
When you go thru difficult times is when you realize who you really are...
It is important to know that. It gives you hope for the future knowing you stand on solid grounds in what you are and what you believe in. All the sayings "know thyself," "all education is self-discovery," and things of that nature comes and goes around us everyday... in the tag world it is around constantly in different tags we get...
But nothing is as real as going thru difficulties and learning from them... My mom always says that "when we go thru the valleys of our lives we should remember that everything we plant in the soil of a valley... grows... and we have to make sure that when we go thru valleys our seeds are of thanksgiving, goodness, because we will sow these fruits later in life, even if the valleys are far away..."
It is a hard thing to thanksgive when you feel so sad... It is not impossible though. If you look around and see what is around you... home, family, friends, pure strangers that care, even animals... you will see that the world is full of love, and love conquers all...
Sounds like a cliche' but I promise you it is what moves me everydays... Knowing myself... knowing that I have love all around me... It makes my life worth living... so again... Hurray to Socrates!
"No culture can live; if it attempts to be exclusive"
by Mohatma Gandhi
What is a Blah day...? a Blah day is a day that is totally GRAY. Lots of people in Seattle, WA knows what I am talking about. It is not raining but then the sun is not shinning. You know the sun is there but then it is not... Doctors attest that most heart attacks happens on "Blah" days. Most people commit suicide on "Blah" days. Today is a Blah day. Most times on Blah days I like to read drinking some hot chocolate or tea. I also like to create on "Blah" days... draw, coloring, cooking, something I do on my own. Most of the poems I wrote where on Blah days... also most of my songs came to me on Blah days... The fun in all this is that scientists tells us about the energy that the Sun emits... light immediatelly energizes your body, your mind, your mood, supresses the brain's production of melatomin (which if not managed by the brain correctly can cause and/or trigger fatigue, depression, moodness, etc.). Aha! Maybe that is the reason of the mellow situation on Blah days....? The main reading for Blah days? Almanacs... One of the things that really attracted me to Edd (my hubby) was that he had an Almanac collection going and he also liked to read them. You should try it sometime. You will learn stuff like caterpillers having more than 2,000 muscles; or that it is a custom in Morocco for brides to keep their eyes closed during their wedding ceremony... Some people will go thru their lives without even caring that a whale's heart beats only nine times a minute... but not me... I will learn that and more on my BLAH days!
"Art is science made clear."
"If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice!"
"Art is an experience, not the formulation of a problem."
"No duty is more urgent than that of returning thanks!"
I cannot find the "quoters" on these but they are awesome... specially the last one... so I want to thank anyone that have supported my site... you are all angels...
XoXo,
Jay
My dear husband received a huge promotion at this job today. I am so happy for him because since he moved from Ohio to live in California for "our" sake he has been battleling with little positions and finally he is the second in charge of a big company. He deserves it... he is so good and honest... he is such a perfectionist always trying to do more than his best... he deserves this promotion. He also has a salary increase, and is able to make bonuses... which will be a blessing...
Wow... I feel like crying of happiness! Just wanted to put down something totally positive for a change!
Jay
In my days of "Family Law" I always prepared a client going through a Divorce by telling him or her that "information was everything." I counseled them to keep records, account numbers, social security numbers, names of friends and/or company friends (co-workers), etc. That is true for any field or profession out there I am sure.
That is where my difficulty starts when I am sharing here. I have it in my mind always that: It is a public place. Anyone can read me, and information about me is gathered.
What can be done with that information is usually nothing, but when someone really wants to twist things around they can, and most of the time can use your own words against you.
It is with this difficulty in mind that I write my thoughts down. Why I write them down? well here is my perception of that:
I believe that being happy is just a by-product of an efford to make someone else happy.
With that attitude is why I write.
I think maybe someone else going through problems can realize life can still be happy... as for me, being happy does not really happens, unless we can share with someone else... because really... what is being happy?
It is all about "PERCEPTION" and most people are never happy. They spend their lives striving after something which they THINK will make them happy. But most times, when they achive their goals (which is very difficult), they still feel unhappy.
But happiness is the supreme object of existence (says J. GilChrist Lawson through "his" perception of life....)!!!
That is the way I live. I put down 10 ways of achieving happiness... by my perception of what being happy is:
1. Be yourself. There is no other way someone will be really happy in your company unless you are what you are. If they do not like you as you then they are not suppose to be where they are... and keeping them under of any other way will not be fair for you or for them. Cultivate desirable qualities... it is an efford... but achievable...
2. Be alert. You have to find opportunities to express yourself correctly. You should never try to express fury, or anger, as when you are at that state you cannot really express what you feel. I never argue that way. I wait until I feel calmer and then expose my thoughts about the subject. Alertness will help you know when to keep your mouth shut!!! And that is really important... before you put your feet up your mouth! lol...
3. Be positive. That is a real hard one for me in this Depressed mood of mine. But most of the times I keep goals and try to reach them in a positive manner. I do not overdue it... I set realistic goals... and for that you have to really know yourself. People do not like being around people that "drain" them. For a good relationship to flow... you have to give and take... it cannot be a take, take, take, all the time. Life is full of beauty... just try to see that. I do. It is very hard for me... but I do.
4. Be systematic. That is an easy one for me. I am a perfectionist... I cannot but be systematic. It is in the core of my being. I take one step at at time and I have been this way forever... That is also the way Edd, my hubby is, and a quality in him that I really appreciate.
But for those that are not, a system is an easy thing to achieve if you concentrate in scheduling a simple rule for living. Just like I am doing here right now. You put down things you want to do in life and you keep at it... which brings me to my next point...
5. Be persistent. I try to always hold on to my course in life. I don't like to loose sight of the end product that I want to achieve. That helps me to go through things even if they are difficult. So persistency for me is a good quality...
6. Be a Worker and work your brain more than you do your body. Right now my body does not obey me sometimes. I want to do things and I just can't... but I work my brain to pieces everyday... I read, I write, I create, I draw, I cook... I do things that only I can do... creating... and thinking... I think all the time. I cannot stop thinking.
7. Be a student. Never believe you know it all. Socrates, the most inteligent man of his age, after all he did and wrote said that "the only thing he really knew was that he knew nothing..." and I really appreciate him for that... as I feel the same way. The more I know the more I find out there is so much more to learn. So I am the eternal student. Age is not a requirement. You learn everyday in life, by how the sun comes up, how the rain is formed, how animals interact (sometimes better than human beings), how friendship is good and important... etc.
8. Be Fair. Treat someone else as you would like to be treated. If you are a fair person fairness will come back to you... it is a self-generating attitude... you cannot miss it as it is just like energy, you cannot see it most of the times but you can feel it. Well, fairness is the same way...
9. Be Temperate. I usually avoid the excess in everything. I do not like generalizations, comparissons, grouping of thoughts... because these things are unboundering things. You cannot put a ring around them and call it a group. Being temperate helps you consider things before you say anything. Being temperate helps you say nothing when you have nothing to say... so that is important to me.
10. Be confident. If you have faith in yourself... nothing will bring you down. You know that you know so even if someone scream the opposite.. it does not affect you because YOU KNOW. So knowing yourself plays a very important part in your pursue of happiness.
I also add here Know God. I believe in a supreme power and that he created us. He left a part in us open for us to choose how to fill it with. And without knowing God no man can be really truly happy.
So there it is... my perception of happiness... most of it is dealing on knowing what you are, and what you prefer... and mostly it is about your perception of life.
These thought are the kind of information I can share in this La-Lah land of information...
And I will see you later.... gator... lol
On this Memorial Day I wanted to establish my belief in Freedom. I appreciate all that our heroes are doing and did for us to be the country we are today. No matter what polical views anyone holds... supporting our troops are one of the most important thing you can do today. I write to soldiers I do not even know, thanking them for choosing to represent me. I appreciate their valour and honor. In memory of so many that did nothing but fight for honor and freedom I bow my head... thanking God for their lives, asking God to bless their generation, their family, all those they cared for... and/or care for. I love the patriotism they inspire in me... and I am so lucky I live in a country that because of their courage and honor I can sit down and freely write this down. My freedom of speech allows me to do that. So Happy Memorial Day to all of you that as blocks constitute this huge building where freedom is all. Thank you America! Thank you Freedom Everywhere.... Love, Jay
Just an everyday account of my life... or as much as I can write... I decided to do this on the day my dad died... I was "my daddy's girl" and life has been almost impossible after his surprise death... but life continues... and now I have him watching over me and taking care of my babies in heaven... I will try to write everyday about me, my life, my husband that I love, my pets (Morris and Cassie), my Mom, sisters, brothers, and all the in-laws... I will try to post some of my poems... and things... I hope you enjoy it... I am just trying to take a positive attitude about life as "eventually attitude becomes innertude..." or such "they" say...
Please wait...