ARE TEMPOARILY SUSPENDED, UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE.

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<i> After a romp of an episode last week, you join our able heroes on their final leg across london to see the Queen. The West end of London. But first ... </i>



Do you remeber the man with the hair from episodes 1 and 3 ? well Clive does. He painted his front door yesterday, not his own door but that off the man with the hair, though at one point clive has painted his own door, but that's irrelevant at the moment.

Our man with the hair has accumulated a healthy pile of sugar satchets in his coup to overthrow capitalism. Though he still has a fair way to go, that is to overtrhow capitalism, not anywhere in particular because at the moment he is not going anywhere as he is sitting down about to take more satchets.


Meanwhile Back in the west end of london, a hefty pace is building between our merry free as they pass through the west end of london and the bright lights.

"Hows the Cockney Doing ?"

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Quirped Crispin

"Thats odd he seems to have something stuck in his mouth " Replied Alfred

Crispin went over to investigate.

"Why it's a bit of paper " He took it out of the cockneys mouth and unravelled the paper "my my, Shrodinger I don't think we are going to have any problems borrowing the Queen of Englands Scales!"

"Why ? " a feeble shrodinger said.

"It's a plan by the Lord Evil Lord Flickabottom to build the biggest badly lit carpark with zero security for his army of chav's. but thats not all, he plans to build it RIGHT THROUGH BUCKINGHAM PALACE!"

"GASP" Gasped Shrodinger

"GASP"

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Gasped Alfred "Does the Queen know ? "

"Not by my reckoning, for across the paper in big red letters it says 'DO NOT SHOW TO THE QUEEN ', Come we must double up the pace , but first Alfred we must let the cockney free"

"Oh no, why ? i was going to teach him all the great literature in the world " A tear rolled down Alfred's Eye.

"Well I'm afraid he has served his purpose as a plot setting device, its the right thing to do. He will be happy here in the west end for, he will be able to learn the knowledge and the mystery of the streets of london, Come on Alfred you know its the right thing to do .. "

Alfred lowered the rucksack to the ground, and the cockney crawled out. Alfred took in a deep breath and tried to be brave as he said "THough are time together might of been short, When ever i will read Robert Louis Stevenson I will think of you especially this quote '"Is this here table for my mate Bill?"' ... goodbye "

The cockney got to his knees and turned around towards Alfred


"Cheerio !"


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The Cockney Chooped !


Crispin put his arm on Alfred Shoulders as the cockney disapeared into the distance "Come on my short flippered friend, The Flag at Buckingham palace is in site"

And In walking distance our three friends set off to meet the queen of england.


<b>To Be Continued .... </b>

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<i>Our heroes after crash landing in hackney marshes, are now on a quest to borrow the queen of englands scales. Though the journey is prooving tough as they cross the city of london, Most notably Shrodingers cat who, having had the dead part of him killed when our noble three crashed landed thus causing a complex purplex parralax, has taken a nasty turn for the
worse...." </i>



"Im off to lon..don to see the queen " garbled shrodingers Cat.

"He's not looking to well is he Crispin ?" worried Alfred

"Indeed my friend, indeed...by joe wait a minute I know something that will
raise his spirits !" Crispin Knelt Down as he continued. " It's a little
unkown thing that if you stroke the pavement in the City of London very
gently like this .. you should be able to hear ... "

"Gasp! why Its the sounds of Gilbert And Sullivan !" Wooped Alfred

"Come let us sing!"



[FANFARE!]#



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you could say that I am a- quintesenttial english gentleman
On Adventures with my friends both animal and theorectical
One thing i enjoy the most , whereever it is that i may be
I get to say the word hoorah a lot as its my god given right

He says the word hoorah a lot, as its his god given right
He says the word hoorah a lot, as its his god given right

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now a' Being shrodingers cat is not a very easy thing
there;s the spelling of the name and the quantum defficency
now If the queen of eng-er-land is very kind with her scales
This should sort out! my complex quantum purplex parralax

can the queen of england solve , this quantum purplex parralax
can the queen of england solve , this quantum purplex parralax


[Bridge ]


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oh oh! Keates, Dante , Dickens and T.S Eliot are my friends
Now though short flippered may be i , i always have time to read
And for a final line in my verse i'll think ill quote Ulyses
His errors are volitional, and are the portals of discovery.

His errors are volitional, and are the portals of discovery.
His errors are volitional, and are the portals of discovery.
.



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As a lord with my pet monkey I live in a big old cas-tle
he spends his day laying chav;s and i with the aris-tocracy
one day a army of burberry, will take on this pleasant land
but I wont really give a damm, as its all pa-rt of my evil plan

He wont really give a damm, because thats part of his evil plan.
He wont really give a damm, because thats part of his evil plan.


[Bridge]


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I hope the three are succesful in their very very dangerous quest
then A street party I will throw in honour of our noble guests
so when shrodinger is a balanced cat , the evil lord is overthrown
we can have bunting and ale as the tigers return to their nest

so we can have bunting and ale as the tigers return to their nest
so we can have bunting and ale as the tigers return to their nest

[Big Finale Fanfare and take it down a tempo mistro and slowly speed it up
again if you will]



I am just a quintesential english gentleman ..............
And I a Complex Quantum Theoretical,And I a Quoting Penguin

Together we will overcome, ADventure Is our middle name
And we will drink Ale! from the busty wrench's buxoms.

They will drink Ale! from the busty wrench's buxoms
They will drink Ale! from the busty wrench's buxoms

[Take it up a key Chorus et all]
They will drink Ale! from the busty wrench's buxoms



And with out a doubt, Shrodinger's spirits were raised. A hearty Hoorah was
to be heard all around (including from the cockney in Alfred's rucksack) as
our heroes began the next leg in their Journey, West London.




<B>To be Continued....</B>

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<i>"You join us as our Trepid heroes set off from the Taberknackle in Hackney and across the East end of London on a quest to borrow the Queen of Englands scales. Filled with Ale from the busty wrench, our heroes are in a merry mood .." </i>



"Remember on our last adventure when we met that blind arab "


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Jollied Crispin

"Oh yes" replied Shrodingers Cat. "That was a most fantastic adventure.. what was it he said ? "

" I believe it was 'Why, i have never seen such excellent break dancing';oh what about that time we attempted to scale the biggest star in hollywood"

"That was fun indeed, I never thought we would make it as far as her navel, but we did! "

Alfred, trailing behind reading a copy of Alice in wonderland, began to notice a growing sound coming from afar... Crispin also picked up on this sound "Could it be " said alfred to himself "Bowbells it is!" he cried !

With excitement, he ran to where the sound was coming from and Crispin and Shrodinger were quick to follow

"Look! its a real life Cockney"

"Be gentle with him " offered Crispin

"Peckham rye! and whistle and flute"


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joyed the cockney , Alfred, tentavily wiped the drool from the cockney's mouth "Look, his hair is untouched, not a sign of a hoxton quiff"

"This is a rare find indeed, gently now Alfred, pick him up and make sure you support his neck, you'd better put him in your rucksack"

"Oh I feel some quotes from Fitzgerald are in order!" said Alfred

" Everyone suspects himself of at least one of the cardinal virtues, and this is mine: I am one of the few honest people that I have ever known"

"There is no confusion like the confusion of a simple mind..." belled Shrodingers Cat!

"So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past" Roared Crispin

And with that our heroes picked up the pace, and continued there journey across east london, where in the horizon the city of London was in sight....

meanwhile back at the evil lord flickabottoms castle, the pet monkey had returned from delivering the letter to the queen and was now busy laying.

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"GNnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnrrrrrrrrrrrrrr"


<b>to be continued....</b>

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<i>In the last episode our heroes found out in a taberknackle in hackney, that the Lord Flickabottom had shot all the tigers in the area! Leaving no tigers left for pillaging strangers to shoot. The Busty wrench of the taberknackle then informed are heroes that legend has it, that a literature quoting penguin, a quintessential Englishman and a perfectly atomically balanced cat would overthrow the Evil lord Flickabottom and return the tigers to Hackney. If our heroes are successful in their attempt to borrow the queen of England’s scale to solve the complex parallax of Shrodingers cat , then our heroes will be that three! Hoorah! </i>

Whilst our heroes continue to ponder the facts over ale, our story now heads to the Lord Flickabottom's castle, where he schemes with his pet monkey ....


"Scheme, look at me I'm scheee - ming and i, scheme that We need more... Chav's !"


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yelled the Lord Flickabottom


"I shawl weturn to my nest and lay some more "

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lisped the pet monkey.

"Excellent, but there is more to this schemmius scheme..... take a letter monkey. To the Queeeeen of England. 'Your Most, Majestic of Majesties, I lord Flickabottom your humble servant of the realm and ludo player, ask if you may pass this bill with immediate effect. I want at least a 100 more libraries to close.. I want more coppers from your purse to aide more benefits for single mums and urchin layabouts, that should be based on a sprog + sprog times money incentive. I then want you to pass planning permission on green land for at least 200 supersize sports stores and increase contributions for development in the plastics industries. especially those companies that develop automotive body kits! Finally a new licence for a 100 more reality TV stations to broad our airwaves of this fine and pleasant land.... Yours Sincerely Lord "Cheeky " Flickabottom... This should allow our army of chav's to grow ! "

"Tis is a maweroluous scheme , my lowd!"

"YEs it is , isnt it AHA !"

"AHA!"

"Now deliver this letter , with speed my pet monkey then get back to your nest and start laying!!!! "

Meanwhile back in the taberknackle in Hackney ...

"... He thought of the woman. Now he would have given all he had or ever might have to hold her warm in his arms, both of them wrapped in one blanket, and sleep. All hopes of eternity and all gain from the past he would have given to have her there...."

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Sung Alfred as he danced on the tables of the taberknackle

"My dear friends, o to stay here all night and be entertained by Alfred quoting DH Laurence with our busty wrench serving ale would be idyllic indeed! But, time is ticking ... we must leave to cross London ! "

"May god speed you fine brave man, penguin and quantum cat " cheered the busty wrench

and with that, our heroes set out into the night .....


<b> To be continued </b>

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<i>Previously, After crash landing in Hackney marshes, Shrodingers cat was trapped under the rubble of their spaceship. A heartily attempt by Crispin and Alfred to dig out their friend from the wreckage; spurred on by quotes of Dante was successful. Though the dead part of Shrodingers cat was killed in the crash which has created a rather worryingly perplex parallax. Our heroes are now on a mission to borrow the queen of England scales to solve the parallax, but not before pillaging the village of Hackney and shooting some tigers! so this is where are story continues. </i>

You might remember the man with the hair from episode one, well he was at the bar where are story continues not just 5 minutes ago, though he has gone now and he still hasn’t bought down capitalism. If he had been here now , 5 minutes later from when he left, not now literally, he would of bumped into our heroes as they entered.

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"Welcome to our Taberknackle of Ales " beated the busty wrench

"I will have 3 of your finest pints of beer " Roared Crispin! Alfred looked slightly glum " And a straw for my short flippered friend as well " That got Alfred smiling.

The Busty wrench began to pour our heroes ales

"So what brings you to the fair village of Hackney ? "

"We are here to pillage the village, and to shoot your tigers and then go and borrow the queen of England’s scales"

"Well I’m afraid there are no tiger's left in Hackney, The Lord Flickabottom shot them all last week "

"DAMM " Cursed Crispin

"DARN!" Cursed Shrodingers Cat and another darn from Alfred followed.

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"Legend has it that a perfectial atomically balanced cat, a quintessential gent and a literature quoting penguin will come and conquer the lord Flickabottom and return the tigers to hackney village, where once again strangers can shoot them "

"It is a far, far better thing that I do, than I have ever done; it is a far, far better rest that I go to, than I have ever known. " Roared Alfred "For could it be that I am that penguin ? "

"And if the scales we borrow from the queen , cure the perplex parallax then I will be that perfectial atomically balanced cat "


"Another round of beers !" Cried Crispin


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And with that the busty wrench, knew Hackney had found the three that would return the tigers to Hackney.....


<b>To be continued .... </b>

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</H1>

<i>In our last episode, Crispin and his friends were hurtling through the Earth's atmorsphere wrestling with the controls of their spaceship.
A brave effort to quote Jules Verne did not help them from crashing into Hackney Marshes, which is where our story now continues....</i>



"Wo is me, I am trying to pull away the wreckage to rescue Shrodinger's cat, but my flippers are too small" said Alfred,

Crispin was quick to reassure his old friend.

"Fear not, my 2ft tall friend your efforts are most gallant, as we dig maybe you can help keep our spirits gallant by quoting Dante"

"That I can do well, 'Twas at the time when Juno was enraged,
For Semele, against the Theban blood,
As she already more than once had shown,
So reft of reason Athamas became,
That, seeing his own wife with children twain
Walking encumbered upon either hand,
He cried: "Spread out the nets, that I may take!"

Crispin heartily joined in unison with Alfred;

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"The lioness and her whelps upon the passage;"

And With their spirits raised it wasn’t long till they found Shrodingers Cat.

"How be Cat ? " Enquired Crispin

"The Crash did kill me, but fate be it was the dead me, so the dead me is now dead and the live me is still live! This does though create a worrying perplex parralex, we must find some scales !"

"I have read that the queen has some scales, the very finest in London " Said Alfred

Cripsin was quick to agree,

"I have heard the very same news my learned friend, Then Come! all of us will head to London to see the Queen, but first May I suggest we do what all good Englishman do and pillage the village of Hackney and shoot their tigers!"

"Hoorah" Said Shrodingers Cat

"Hoorah Indeed " Said Alfred.
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And with that the Merry Three headed into Hackney Village ...


<b>To Be Continued.....</b>

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Crispin struggled with the controls on the spaceship as they entered the Earths atmorsphere, he turned to his fellow companions to ask for help,

Alfred the penguin was the first to reply


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"I'm afraid my flippers are no good for the controls on this spaceship"

Schrodinger's cat wasnt much help either

"I am currently dead at the moment"

"But your talking" argued Alfred.

"Tis is a strange world, a strange world indeed"

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Meanwhile in London, a man with some hair entered a Cafe.

"Aha" he cried "I will bring down capitalism by taking home as many sugar satchets as i can carry"

Which he duely did, take the satchets not bring down capitalism. That would take a bit more time.

Back on the spaceship, Crispin was still battling with the controls

"It is no good, i fear we will crash unless i can get the nose up higher"

"Then Let us Quote Jules Verne" Offered Alfred

"Science, my lad, is made up of mistakes, but they are mistakes which it is useful to make, because they lead little by little to the truth." offered Shrodingers Cat,


"He believed in it, as certain good women believe in the leviathan--by faith, not by reason." Roared Crispin.

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And they all joined in to say

"Phileas Fogg had won his wager of twenty thousand pounds! "


To be Continued....