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The Seven-Year Itch

Recently, I noticed a fabulous thread on Nappturality in which the lovely and talented DeeCoily asked people to post the lessons they've learned by sharing what not to do. There was a lot of great information, and I was sorry that I hadn't read it sooner.

This is what I wrote:

Do not inflate your expectations. Your hair is just that -- your hair. It is not going to grow at the same rate as someone else's. It is not going to curl like someone else's. You might be able to rock a twist-out. But you might not. Learn to accept that and (try to) move on. (I've been wearing my hair natural since January 12, 2002, and this one is still the hardest lesson.)

Do not allow a stylist to pressure you into doing something you know will damage your hair. I don't care how much hype the stylist (or the salon) has had. That stylist is going to deal with your hair for only the time you're in that salon. (Or, in my case, maybe only a few minutes here and there.) You, however, are going to have to deal with your hair every second of every day after that salon visit. You're the one who will have to figure out how to deal with the dryness that results from your lapse in judgment. (That you paid a pretty penny for that mistake will only make you feel worse.) I let a stylist and her worker bees talk me into coloring my hair despite knowing how drying it is to my hair. But like a dummy, I sat there thinking, "Well maybe this time will be different." Guess what? It wasn't.

Do not be bitter that everyone who tells you not to obsess over hair length has gorgeous long hair. (OK, this one is meant to be funny and is mostly directed at myself, but it's kinda true.)

Do not go broke trying this product and that product just because the person whose hair you envy lust after admire happens to use those products. You'll be tempted to think, "Surely that product will make my hair look like hers." It won't. Even if the product turns out to be great for your own hair type, it is not going to make your hair look like someone else's.

Do not freak out over every single-strand knot you encounter. If you're prone to being frustrated by these banes of the nappy-girl's existence, keep your mitts out of your 'fro -- which is what you should be doing anyway since you're just creating more tangles by playing with it.

Do not think every day is going to be a great napptural-hair day. You will be frustrated sometimes. But ...

Do not allow a bad napptural-hair day to make you do something crazy. You know of what I speak. You had your reasons for going natural. Remember them.

If any of that sounds a bit um ... testy, well, it's because I've been really frustrated with my hair the past couple years. Disappointed that my hair texture isn't like others', bitter about how slowly my hair grows, and frustrated that I haven't figured out a routine that works for my hair. That I've had to constantly defend my hair to my mother over the years hasn't helped. Last year she actually said to me that anyone who tells me my hair looks good is lying to make me feel good. That hurt me more than any other insult she's made about my hair because now if someone does have something nice to say, I hear her voice in my head telling me it's a lie.

And then there was my visit to a certain salon last July. But I digress.

There have been many days I've thought about cutting it all off. But I'm not unaware of the importance placed on a woman's hair. I still buy into it: I want my hair to be long, curly, and silky. And I've grown weary of those people whose hair is long or silky or curly (or the trifecta -- all three!) reprimand those of us for wanting what they have.

Maybe I'm saying things others have felt but haven't said. Or maybe it's just me. I don't know. Some of you natural-hair newbies may have experiences that exceed all your expectations. But some of you might not.

And that's the purpose of this journal entry -- to tell you that that's OK. Now you know that you aren't alone.

It's not an accident that I haven't updated my hair journal in months. I haven't had anything to update, to be honest. I've been too embarrassed to post pics seven years into my journey that look the same as those in my fourth or fifth year with natural hair. There has been no evolution of hair health or length. If that weren't enough, the color I had done last year has completely wrecked my ends.

So I'm getting my hair cut next week. And if you want to know the truth, I'm petrified. I'm not going to a natural-hair stylist, but that's not what has me scared. (Last year I went to a salon that supposedly specializes in natural hair and that proved disastrous.) Despite knowing that my hair desperately needs to have these ends cut off, I feel like I'm going backward in my journey, not forward. I've seen the pics of all those who started out around when I started, and their hair is long, beautiful, healthy. And here I am about to get my wrecked hair whacked.

One thing that hasn't changed, however, is my decision to stay natural. Chemicals and my hair just do not mix. If I needed a reminder of that, I got it when I had my hair permanently colored last year. Relaxers are even worse.

I'm hoping that with a new haircut will come a fresh start and a new attitude. Stay tuned.

Hair Routine

Littlefish’s Hair Care Routine

Despite my hair being dense, the strands themselves are extremely fine. But because it is so dense, it gives the impression that I have thick hair. (Hah! Talk about looks being deceiving!) As a result, I’ve had to experiment with a variety of products that can be easily distributed completely through while not being so heavy as to weigh down those fine strands or creating too much buildup. This is what I’ve come to love:

Shampoo: Elucence’s Moisture Benefits Shampoo or any shampoo without sodium lauryl sulfate (SLS) or sodium laureth sulfate (SLES), both of which can be too stripping for my hair. I dilute my shampoo with water with a ratio of 1:4 (one part shampoo to four parts water), and I add about a teaspoon of almond oil. When I shampoo (about every 10-12 days), I shake the bottle thoroughly to mix it and then apply it to my hair. I lather once, making sure to cleanse my scalp, and rinse. Done. I don’t lather more than once. My hair doesn’t need it.

Conditioner: When I don’t shampoo, I usually do a conditioner wash. I apply my rinse-out conditioner of choice, comb through, and rinse. Then I apply my leave-in conditioner of choice.

These days, the rinse-out conditioner I prefer is Elucence Moisture Balancing Conditioner. It’s still the best (in my humble opinion). It’s an excellent detangler, and it has wonderful ingredients. I also like that it can be used as a deep conditioner or as a leave-in. It’s a triple threat.

I also like Daily Defense Tender Apple Conditioner, but it’s been discontinued. (A good thing I stocked up when I did!) However, I compared DDTA’s ingredients to Pantene’s Hydrating Curls conditioner and the list is amazingly similar.

My leave-in of choice is MOP Leave-In Conditioner. Hands down it’s the best leave-in I’ve ever used.

Styling Products: I recently discovered Qhemet Biologics products and I love (LOVE!) the Oil and Honey Hydrating Balm. I use it as an extra conditioner and to help smooth down my hair when I pull it back in a “bunnytail,” as someone recently called it. The ingredients provide additional conditioning and I love that honey smell. Also, it distributes easily through that dense hair of mine without weighing down my hair or causing buildup.

I also like the Honeybush Hair Tea Soft Hold Gel. Usually my hair hates gels, but this one isn’t too sticky nor does it build up too much on my hair. I use it specifically for defining coils. I add a little bit to a section and brush with my Denman D3. Done.

Other Necessities: My Mebco comb and my Denman D3. They are must-haves in my arsenal. I’ve discovered recently that if I use the comb first, brushing is even easier. I lose hardly any hair when I detangle. Of course, I detangle in the shower while my hair is wet and with conditioner.

Also, now that I’ve found a scalp dressing that has ingredients I like, once a week I apply Qhemet’s Amla Oil Scalp Pomade. I part my hair off, apply it sparingly, and with a boar’s bristle brush, I brush my scalp and the first few inches of my roots, which helps to distribute the pomade. Makes my hair so soft afterward and my scalp tingles (with joy!) from the massage.


Regarding Styling:

I really only wear two styles these days: the puff or the bunnytail. As much as I love the twist-out, the current length of my hair prevents it. (I’m in some weird in-between stage that is decidedly unfriendly toward twist-outs. My hair isn’t short enough to stand up and out properly, nor is it long enough to hang. It’s a mess!)

For the puff, I rinse my hair in the shower, do a conditioning rinse (or not) and then add my leave-in conditioner. When I get out the shower, I use my Denman to brush narrow sections of hair. This distributes the conditioner through my hair and it also makes my coils spring up. When I’m done doing my whole head, I pull it into a puff with my scarf.

For the bunnytail, I do the condition thing in the shower, and when I get out, I add some hydrating hair balm, and brush my hair back. Done.


I've gotten so comfortable with my hair that I don't think about hair care like I used to. What I mean is: I don't consciously think, Should I use this product or that product? Blah blah blah ... I just wear it and go. Now that I've found what products I like, the less I worry about my hair, the better it looks. :-)

Hope that helps!