I am here

I know a different you than what you claim to be.
You look in the mirror and see something so different.
I know a different side that you try to hide.
You keep it hidden deep within.
I am trying to unlock it yet again.
You think you lost the key long ago.
I am full of hope.
You are full of despair.

You want to run.
I want to keep you here.
If you do run.
I will run too.
If you walk away.
I will follow you.
If you need to cry.
I will be right beside you.
Tissues in my hand.
If you are afraid.
I will protect you.
If you are lost.
I will guide you.

There is hope.
And it is inside you.
Like a flower without light.
Slowly fading in the dark.
Let me bring you hope.
Let me fill you with sunshine.
Help you grow strong.

I am your hope.
I am your love.
I am your friend.
I am here.

There are many other pieces to this story. Please be advised the story has sexual content and violence. If interested in other pieces let me know.


The Repairman



There doorbell rang and her heart jumped. Sarah knew who it was but it still made her heart race with anticipation. This was a scheduled visit as her PC was giving her issues and he was here to repair it. She was hoping it wasn’t the only thing he intended to repair. They had chatted online before but had never met. His piercing blues eyes drove her nuts and the things he would write where right there with those bedroom blue eyes. He looked fit in the pictures and seemed so genuine. Inside though there was still some fear for Sarah as she had never done anything like this before. Could she handle it? What if she didn’t find him attractive in person?? No, what if even worse he didn’t find her attractive!!! She paused in her tracks as the doorbell sounded again. Should she or shouldn’t she…… should she…. Shouldn’t she….. and then she heard the door open. Her heart sank as she was suddenly filled with fear. How could she have been so stupid? She turned to run for the phone and then she heard his voice, “Sarah, you hear? It is okay. Let me fix the computer and then I will go if that is what you want.” His voice was so, so calming and seductive. She turned as her fears began to ease away. She eased around the corner and their eyes met. Both froze as they seemed to be hypnotized with each others gaze.



She looked lovelier in person as the picture could not do her curves justice. Her figure was that of a twenty year old despite her having a few children and being her thirties. She took care of herself and he so wanted just to hold her. He thought about just taking her in his arms and having her right then and there but knew it would be prudent to wait for her signal if it even came. She smiled at him and said “John? The computer is this way.” She turned and slowly walked away knowing he was watching each stride she took. A little extra wiggle was added to give him something to think about. She had lost all her fear and now just wanted him but did he want her? She continue to the computer room and stopped at the threshold to allow him just enough room to get in but to also make it possible for her to be close to him and maybe he would brush against her.



He followed her and loved the wiggle she had and wondered if it was being enhanced for his viewing pleasure and smiled at that thought. She amazed him with each stride. He felt his loins awake but had to keep calm, atleast for now. She walked into a room and he could see her near the door with barely enough room for him to squeeze by her. Was it a sign from her? Should he brush against her? She he reaches out and touches her hand, her face? He was suddenly nervous as he wondered what enough was and what was too much or too little. Too much and he would scare her and too little he would offend her. He entered the room and slight brushed against her with his elbow brushing her breast. He shook inside with the firmness and plumpness of her breast. He kept moving though as to not make it obvious he knew that he had touched her. He headed towards the computer and knelt beside of it.



She felt her heart skip a beat as his elbow pressed against her breast. She felt an urge to grab him before he could get to far from her. She started to reach for him but held herself back and just watched him walk towards the computer. As he knelt she could see the muscles under his shirt move and she just wanted to run her hands over them. She wasn’t sure if his brushing against her was because she stood so close or because he chose to brush against her. She decided to see if she could entice him a little further and carefully undid and extra button on her blouse to reveal just a little more of her cleavage for him to see. He was working on opening the case to the computer so she glided over and bent at the waist as he opened it up. “Is everything in there looking good?” she asked with a playful smile.



As he turned his head his eyes were drawn to her blouse and the opening that revealed her black lace bra and ample bosom. He tried to look at her but his eyes wanted to focus there and his hands just wanted to cup them. He finally broke his eyes away and looked up towards her. She was smiling at him, no, she was grinning. He knew this way a sign but he wanted to make this a little harder on her. He smiled and slowly turned back to the open computer case. He started cleaning out the dust and she backed up as it went flying everywhere. He knew chuckled as she backed off, wondering if he could get her to move in again or if he would have to chase her now.



She could not believe that he was able to turn away from her and then blow all the dust in the air without warning her. He seemed interested in her breasts as he gawked at them like they were two beacons on a foggy night. She knew he liked them as he was a man and all men like boobs don’t they but maybe he didn’t like her pushing herself on him like that. Could he have been offended in some way by her actions? She wasn’t sure what to do now as she wanted him more now than just moments ago and yet didn’t quite know why. She decided to try to tease him a little more as she really wanted him and wanted to fulfill all the scenarios they had talked about on the computer. If it could only be like that here and now. The passion she imagined and felt so real online, could it be real here? Or was it just a dream? She needed to know.



He kept himself busy after quickly cleaning the pc and fixing the problem in seconds after opening the case. One of the memory sticks had become loose and he just cleaned the dust out and replaced it, clamping it in place securely. Now though he needed to find a way to her and to test the waters. He continued to mess around with the insides of the computer, toying with it when all he wanted was to toy with her. He put his hand to his head and scratched it like he was confused or concerned, hoping to draw her nearer. It worked as she was suddenly beside him. He slowly put his hand on her calf and began to caress it. She didn’t pull away or flinch so he continued to feel her leg and quickly added his other hand. Her skin was so smooth.



She felt her heart racing as his hands were caressing her legs. She was so glad now that she wore this skirt. His hands felt so strong but also very gentle. He was using just the right mixture of strength and softness. She could feel the moisture growing between her legs with every inch he moved upwards. She wanted to just grab him and get on with it but would not let her self do that as this was just too easy for him. He needed to earn it a little more. “So how is the computer? Done yet?” she blurted out as she tried not moan with his touch. She slowly backed away and smiled at him. She thought she could confuse him. Play the game better than he had ever had it played before.



His hands were suddenly empty of the soft skin that had aroused him and began to make him hard. She was halfway across the room now and wanted to know about the computer. What had he done and how could he fix it? He wanted her now; no he needed her as his loins ached for her. He chocked on his answer to her and coughed before getting it out, “It is done. I just ah just had to clean it out a little and replug in something that was loose is all. I guess I can ah go now?” He was so hoping she would say no and invite him to her bedroom. As he slowly rose to his feet he waited on words that never came from her lips. She said thank you and told him that she thought he should probably go as she was a little uncomfortable. His heart sunk and he could not believe what she was saying to him. They hit it off so well online and hadn’t she given him the signals? What did he do? He wondered as he picked up his things and headed slowly towards the door.



She could see it in him and sort of felt bad but knew soon he would forget all of her words. They would be replaced with much better memories. She walked behind him into the hallway and towards the door. She closed the gap and put her hands on his hips. She slowly slid her hands around his waist. Her heart beating faster with each nervous movement of her hands. She had never done this before but it felt right despite her nerves. She just wanted him to rescue her from this unknown territory. Her hands slid up towards his chest slowly going over his muscular body.



He felt her hands on him and knew he had been played and she had been toying with him. He stood still now to see how far she would go before he would turn and take her his own way. Her hands made it to his chest before he reached and placed his hands on hers. He spun towards her and quickly leaned in to kiss her neck. At first she resisted and then she let him have her neck. He nibbled on her ear and slowly moved his face across hers till their lips barely touched and then he probed with his tongue to find hers. Just as he did he pulled his face back and looked into her eyes. As they met he lifted her off of the ground and placed her against the wall. He slid his hand between her legs and felt how wet she was for him. He undid his pants and slowly put his hardness into her. He felt her dig her nails into his back. It hurt but felt good at the same time.



Their bodies moved and the wall shuddered with every pulse from him into her. She began to moan and he pushed harder and harder into her. The passion was felt by both. They continued for what seemed like forever to both of them. Finally she reached her climax and he reached his almost at the same time. He slowly lowered her back to the ground.



She still felt like she was not on this Earth even as her feet finally touched the ground. A car door slammed outside. He was home early. She opened the door and out went John as her husband ascended the stairs towards them. “Thank you for repairing my computer. I really appreciate it. Great service!! Please wait till Friday to cash that check, okay?” she said as John headed towards the stairs. John turned slightly, “No problem mam. It was a pleasure to service your machine. Call again if you have more trouble,” John said with a wink and a smile as he headed for his Explorer.

A little too gray without you.

I opened my eyes this morning.
To a World that looked more gray then blue.
My eyes tried to focus.
My mind tried to clear.
I just couldn’t seem to see it all.
I could seem to think clearly.
I could feel the weight added.
It came in the night.
It often does sneak right on in.
Inside of me again.
Sadness rains and ruins the parade.
My parade has rain again.
The songs are muted now.
The promise of a new tomorrow
Well that just seems so very far away.
Yeah, I know, I know.
Tomorrow is never far away.
Be thankful for today.
Sounds pretty good, I know.
But you know it just doesn’t work that way.

I want to close my eyes and hope it all changes.
I want to start over.
I can’t and you know it too.
You are the one, the only one in fact.
You just have the knack.
To open my eyes and take the rain away.
Clear my mind and may it all go away.
Somehow someway, can you do this today?
Save me from another rainy day?

If everyday could only start with you.
Eye to eye, cheek to cheek between the sheets.
No day could be filled with clouds.
No day could be filled with rain.
No more pain.
If only it always started with you.
The sun would shine always too.

My Journey; Mount Monadnock

by

Lloyd W. Alexander



Henry David Thoreau once walked this mountain long ago and there is little doubt that this mountain gave him inspirations in his writings that we have come to know over the years. One of his quotes that has struck soundly inside of me is as follows,



“Do not be too moral. You may cheat yourself out of much life. Aim above morality. Be not simply good; be good for something.”



These are words worth following in life. Words that I hope I can follow without becoming too wrapped up within them as I have in my life too this point. I must realize that this life is my life and it can not be lived for anyone else. That the journey’s I take to these mountains are my journeys. I may share them in pictures and I may share them in words but the sweat was mine, the pain was mine, the sense of accomplishment was mine, and the view was mine too. I can share but I can’t give to you what you have not earned. I can share all I want with all of you but in the end it is just a tease and just a taste of what it is to hike a mountain and feel everything it is that you will feel on your journey. Is this not the same in life too? Anything I give to you or is given to me is not earned and likely not as appreciated as if it had been earned. So live the life for your journeys and spread the stories of those journeys to encourage others to take their very own journey towards whatever summit they may choose for themselves. Rather it is a mountain or something else they will be much better for earning it for themselves.



The journey to Monadnock was something that for me is a symbol of my continuation of becoming a man. The continuation of me overcoming my anxiety and facing my own fears. Replacing those fears with dreams that are my dreams, dreams that I can own and I can live. They are not your dreams and that is okay as everyone must follow their own path in life. Monadnock has 40 miles of trails and multiple routes to its summit. You can choose the route you wish to take and face the challenge you want for yourself. Do you take the most direct route which is often the hardest? Or do you take the long way which is often the easiest? Or maybe a combination is something that is right for you. The thing is that no route is wrong and each leads to the summit. We all walk different paths in life and maybe we all end up in the same place in the end. We can only hope.



For me at age 36 the reflection of my life in the mirror is not the reflection I ever thought I would see in my life. I expected things to be different but I know I often thought I was owed something or I chose to blame things of circumstances in my life. The fact is that I chose my reactions and I won’t say they are wrong today because they were my choices and my journey. I will say that it was the long route to where I am today. Now that I am getting my feet under me I can head to a harder and more challenging trail in my life. On the mountains I often take the harder trails and push myself to my limits. Near the top of Monadnock my limits where being pushed as my hiking pole became in operable about half way up and thus my crutch, my aide was no longer of use to me and it was just my body and mind against the ascent. Over the course of the second half of the hike my body began to tire on me and then the last steep slab of rock was before me and my mind began to ask me to turn around. This was something similar to my life as a whole to this point and yet the outcome was different. The pattern of my life would dictate that I turn around because I might fail and I couldn’t do that and thus it was easier to not try whatever it was that I was afraid to fail at. This time though I found the strength within myself to power on and when my legs tired I rested. I rested and then moved on towards the summit. I found the inner strength we all have that sometimes just gets buried with all kinds of self doubt. We have so much strength and power within us if we can just dig deep and overcome ourselves. It is often us, yes, you, that is your own worst enemy. The summit of life is there for all of us to take in for ourselves. It isn’t a story we have to here and be in awe of because we don’t think we can do it. We can, all of can, if we just keep moving at our own pace towards the summit of our dreams.



So what happens when we reach that summit? Well, why not go after the next summit on the horizon and then the next? The journey is yours too mold and yours to guide. Sit at the top and just enjoy the view for as long as you want too. It was your journey and it is your time. Thoreau once said “Everyman is the builder of a temple called his body” and that is true. I ask though why not take this further as I say “Everyman is the builder of a dream called his life.” I am proud that I am making my dream in my own way and sculpting a journey to my own summit of life. I climbed Mount Monadnock just like Thoreau and so many others but the journey to its summit was mine and mine alone. Each step was my step and my way towards the summit. Follow your dreams and carve your own path to the top. The view is yours and you are worth the view. So go earn it.