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I decided to go natural 7 yrs ago, but could never pass more than 4 months without going nuts and relaxing again. I always daydreamed about it and I knew one day I would finally just give in. On November 30, 2006 I had my last relaxer and I knew deep in my heart that it was time. It had been 4 months since I had a relaxer and altho I had about 2 inches of growth when I had the relaxer done my hair looked the same. I got tired of my hair growing so much but for some reason it just never looked any longer. Somehow the relaxer was damaging my hair and I couldn't stop it no matter what I tried.
When I was a little girl I remember how beautiful my hair was and how nice it felt to the touch. I often daydream of how it used to look like (I'm talking 25 yrs ago) and I get sad when I look at other Dominican women with their beautiful relaxed-free hair and here I am with my hot mess. Its been a lifetime of not being able to go into a pool without being afraid of my hair turning to poop LOL and not going out in the rain even if somebody put a gun to my head.
Just to give you a little history on my life, I was born in the Dominican Republic and we moved to the US back in 73. My mom became a hairdresser back in the mid-70's and she would do people's hair at our apartment. My mom is a white Hispanic, my dad a black Hispanic so I'm somewhere in the middle lol I have naturally curly, kinky hair and when I was about 11 yrs old she put a relaxer in my hair. I went from having hair that was down to my waist to hair that was dry, frizzy, short and nasty for yrs. And to make things worse, it went from beautiful to short 'n nasty in less than 6 months! I was very confused and sad at the time. Years later, and without my mom's help, I finally figured out how to tame my hair when I was in my early 20's and I managed to always look cute.
A few yrs ago I decided to stop putting the blame on my mom and take charge of my life. I never knew this, but she put a relaxer on her own hair once a year so that she wouldn't have to deal with her own curly hair. She didn't even need it! So I forgive her for putting a relaxer in my head before I got the chance to enjoy my beautiful hair.
I married a man that is supportive and altho he doesn't like me with short hair, he is willing to put his ego aside and let me do this journey. He tells me he loves me and just wants to see me happy. My hair was almost to my bra strap a few weeks ago until I cut off about 3 inches at the salon.
I created this journal so that I not only can look back and reflect on my journey, but to help others like me with the transition. I'm hoping I can help somebody out there, anybody. I tried to find another page with Dominicans and transitioning but so far I have found other websites that have helped me on my journey. Since there are no Dominican journals I'm hoping I can be the first, but not necessarily the last. I say Dominican because we are brought up to believe that white is better and that we should put chemicals in our hair so that we won't have to be so nappy. Well that brainwashing stuff doesn't work with me and I am VERY proud of my color, my heritage, my hair and everything there is to be me.
Thank you Lord for the truth and for this opportunity.
This is my first entry in my journal. I've been transitioning for almost 6 months now and it hasn't been easy. I'm used to having my hair straight and being able to do it myself, now I find myself running to the salon every 2 weeks because I honestly have no clue how to deal with my half curly/half straight hair.
Yesterday I washed my hair myself while I was taking a shower. Its funny because I combed my hair with a wide toothed comb right after the shower and I thought that combing the "nappy" part was going to be hard and combing the permed part was going to be easy.... on the contrary!! The natural part (I calculated to be 4 inches long in most parts of my head) was soft to the touch, very curly, thick, and manageable. Now the permed part... oh my God it felt disgusting to the touch and it was hard to tangle. Thank God I'm using good conditioners or else I would've been in big trouble. I should've put my hair up in curlers, but I was running late and I had to go out with the hubby. I woke up this morning and I was like Oh Lord. How discouraging. I have no idea how to deal with my hair. I'm assuming that when its finally all said and done I'll be wearing it in ponytails alot. I have no idea. I imagine that once I figure out how to wear it curly it'll be easier for me. Right now I can't do that because 10 inches of it is permed, 4 inches is natural. I sometimes get the urge to cut it off, but I can't see myself with a little afro LOL I'd probably die. I don't like braids, don't like weaves, so I guess I'll keep seeing Mary every 2 weeks until I can cut off this lovely mess. I cut my hair in April and I'm going to cut it again probably in August or September. I get my hair roller set and blowdried for 2 reasons - its easier to manage AND I can't see it in its natural state which believe it or not is a good thing cuz I keep playing with it and staring it in the mirror to see if its growing LOL
I'm just anxious to see it long, healthy and free of relaxers. I can't stop thinking about it to the point of insanity LOL I sometimes wonder how my face will change, if it does, when its natural. And I somehow feel like I'll be more confident once I do this. The sky's the limit...
My current hair regimen:
Run to the Mary at the Dominican salon every 2 weeks to get it done (hey money's tight LOL)
She washes it, puts a deep treatment (Alter Ego http://alteregousa.us/store/ )
Roller set and blow dry straight
I also just started taking MSM vitamins
When I wash at home I use Once en Uno hair treatment
Today was a very bad hair day. It was my own fault though. I washed it and didn't roller set, just let it air dry and boy was that a mess LOL I should have done the flat iron right after, but instead I went to bed tired and did the flat iron half assed job this morning. Well at least I didn't go looking like a total slob, this time I at least put on some make up. I'll get over it. This Friday or Saturday I'll go to the salon and let her blow dry my hair straight again. I can't tame this half curly half straight hair yet. I can't believe its almost been 6 months next week. Its been a long 6 months and sometimes I want to quit, but I've come so far so I can't give up now. I have come too far. I just hate having bad hair days. It ruins everything else for me and I end up feeling so ugly.
I might be a little dramatic but I've gained about 10-15 pounds and I think its because I'm depressed over how my hair looks. Yeah it sounds so stupid I know LOL but even my husband knows that if my hair doesn't look pretty I tend to let myself go a little bit. I'm gonna have to suck it up because oh boy I've got about 12 months to go. The good news is that my hair looks thick now. It sometimes looks short if its not blow dried, but I know in my heart that its the right time to do this and I'm gonna be ok.
No more half pints of Haagen Daz ice-creams for me! LOL
Its Memorial Day and I'm enjoying a nice afternoon with my children. There are 6 kids in my house today *yikes* and I'm feeling like the Brady Bunch LOL His 3 children and my 3 children. The funny part is that they all get along and pretty much love each other like brother & sister. Sometimes I forget his 3 aren't biologically mine.
Yesterday I spent the day at my sister's house and I used her pool. In the past I would be worried about my hair, but now I just wash and go. My hair has a little over 4 inches of growth and its now been 6 months of transitioning. Altho I don't have a complete curl, I do notice that I can wash and go and slap a headband on my hair and I'm all set. When I want it straight (which is usually my preference at this stage) I grab the flatiron.
This is a hard process, but I am managing. In the past I wouldn't have been able to get this far. My husband is very supportive and tells me I'm beautiful when eww I sometimes am NOT LOL so its much easier. I imagine that next year I'll look back at all this and laugh. I am hoping that by next summer I'll have 10 inches of long curly hair.
Today I finally bought the Curly Girl book at Borders. With the coupon I received in an email I ended up paying a little over $7. I'm reading it and I co-washed my hair a few hours ago. I see the waves in my hair and I feel so happy. I haven't seen my hair in years.
I said to my husband "I feel so ugly. I've gained weight cuz I feel like I've been having a bad hair day" except in my case its a bad hair 6 months LOL I feel like my face looks different, I don't recognize myself anymore. I have gained 15 lbs. because having a good hair day translated into a confident woman that would wear make-up and get super-dressed up. I love my hair, but I hate the process.
My husband kissed my forehead and said "cut the shit"
Someone left me a comment today and it said that maybe the "big chop" will help me with my journey. I'm trying to get the courage to chop off all this nasty ass relaxed hair. Its so disgusting to touch. I dyed my hair black today hoping that maybe not seeing gray hair will make me feel better LOL I hardly wear make-up anymore. I'm being very dramatic I know. I am now trying to lose 10 lb. and get out of this funk. In a year I'm going to be a big fat chick with phat hair LOL
Anyway my husband kisses my forehead and tells me I'm beautiful. I never knew how much my hair affected my mood.
Today marks my seventh month into transitioning. I feel alot more confident than I did just 2 months ago. I can't believe how long its been already. In 5 months it'll be a year :-) I try to use the ruler sparingly because I don't want to get overly obsessed with my hair growing, but I did notice that in the front I have over 3 1/2 inches of growth, in the middle and sides its over 4 1/2 inches of growth. I guess if I calculate it at 0.5 inches a month its about right. This might sound stupid, but it was easier to measure when my hair was dyed red and growing. Now that its completely black I can't tell where the relaxed ends start. I hope that by December 1st I have at least 6-7 inches of growth so I can chop off the relaxed ends. If not, I will at least be able to cut off 3 inches of my relaxed hair without going too crazy. I don't do short hair, it just doesn't look right on me. Well I don't think so anyway.
My hair has grown alot. I take MSM every morning and right now I'm washing it twice a week. I haven't done a roller set since May but today I'm going to do that because I don't want my ends to split. I've only used the flatiron once in June. I wash and slap on a ponytail. I was never able to wash and put my hair in a ponytail before so that's new to me and it makes me happy :-) I could not go back to a relaxer even if I wanted to. I put a little mousse in the front to make it look more slick. My ponytail is very thick, unlike before where it looked more like a rat tail LOL I let it airdry which sometimes can take over 24 hours and then I slap on a headband and let my hair down. I'm kinda surprised the entire head of hair curls since my entire hair is not 100% natural yet.
A few things I've noticed is that I can't wash with just conditioner. My hair hasn't gotten used to it yet and it doesn't feel very clean. I use shampoo but dilute it or use very little of it. The deep conditioning treatments and oils I'm using are keeping my hair in really good condition.
Overall I feel alot better than I did in May. I still hate ponytails but I can at least put it in a bun for work and I can at least comb my hair. The natural hair is very wavy, I thought it would be more spirals so that kinda surprised me. It feel soft and good to my fingers so most of the time I'm touching my curls and wake up in the middle of the night with my hands in my curls LOL I love it. Whoever said nappy hair was ugly didn't know wtf they were talking about. I absolutely positively love my kinky hair.
I finally roller set my hair after not doing it for like 3 months. I was mostly lazy, plus its hard to roller set it when it comes out so BIG. I feel like I'm from New Jersey or something LOL j/k Like I should live in Revere (for you Mass peeps) and hang out at Kelly's Roast Beef.
Anyway I can't find the heating cap so I can't take off my ugly curlers till morning. I'm sure my husband is going to be thrilled when he sees me.
When I was roller-setting my hair I could finally measure how long my natural hair is. I measured it at 5" and a little more in other places. Its so thick, my God I can't take it anymore. I'm really going to try to not do the big chop till December but honestly I really don't think I'm going to have much of a choice. Its too much to handle.
I have lots of bad hair days, but at night when I'm twirling my natural curls, I'm as happy as a clam.
My daughter did a french braid on me, something I haven't done in years. I remember when my mom would do the two braids in my hair and I would tie them at the bottom. My hair was much thicker then and my braids much longer. I'm not sure if my hair is the same as it used to be. My guess is that no it probably isn't. That makes me sad in a way, but I'm not going to worry about it anymore.
I washed my hair yesterday and this morning I woke up with an afro LOL not on purpose of course. My natural hair is getting hard to manage because of the relaxed ends. I want to hold on to my hair so bad, but I dunno... more and more I want to do the big chop.
I finally got my promotion!!!! I'm so freakin happy! I've been working so hard, working late, coming in early, doing volunteer work, etc... and it finally paid off. My company is sending me to San Jose, CA for a week to train for the new job. I've never been to California before so I'm nervous and excited all at the same time.
Today I went to the pool because it was so hot out. I ruined my beautifully roller-set hair in about 2 seconds when I took a leap into the deep end. I didn't care, I knew I could go home and just wash and do it again. I'm too tired to do it right now though. I'll just wash it tomorrow and slap a ponytail on it.
Funny thing about my hair now - its very long again, but you can't tell until I roller-set then use the flat iron. If I wash and go it literally turns into an afro, which is weird because when I had less natural length it didn't do that. So now as my hair grows longer its turning into a fro LOL I go back and forth on cutting it really short (BC) but I really don't think I'd look decent in an afro. I don't wanna find out the hard way. Or maybe I can buy a wig and see how I feel with it on.
My hair is growing alot. I have no idea how many inches is relaxed and which is natural anymore. I used to use a ruler, but right now i honestly can't figure it out anymore.
I'm at month 7, 3 weeks and on Tuesday it'll be 8 months since my last relaxer. I can't believe how fast time is flying. I look forward to going to San Jose. I know that the hotel has a pool and I can dive in if I want to, then just go to my training in the morning in a protective bun. Being natural has its ups and downs, but this is definitely a plus for me. One thing that used to ruin vacations was getting my hair wet. Now its a no brainer :-)
I finally got the promotion I want and I thank the Lord for blessing my life. Now I'm going to concentrate on losing 15 lb. and growing my hair long and healthy. Thank you Jesus for taking care of me and my family.
I haven't written in a while because last week I was sent to a training in San Jose, CA. I enjoyed beautiful sunny California and the people were so nice i wish I lived there. I did my hair (rollerset) before leaving and since there's no humidity in San Jose my hair was perfect the whole time. The 4th day there I decided to take a dip in the hotel pool and my hair turned into a big puffy mess LOL I loved the spiral curls. The crazy relaxed ends was another story though.
Everyone is telling me not to cut my hair yet so I decided to wait. I can't tell how many inches it is anymore. I know its growing because every month I compare pictures and I'm in awe at how long its grown since I cut it in April. I used to use a ruler, but I think now I'll just use a measuring tape which should be more accurate. I wish I had used one before. My guess is that my hair has grown about 3 inches since May but I have no way of knowing. All I know is that my hair was up to the beginning of my neck and its waaaaay past that now.
As far as my hair regime - I wash and go sparingly because its just too much hair and it gets knotted up badly. If I wash, rollerset, and go I can do that for one week. I try not to flatiron more than once a week. I don't let the flat iron get hot as hell and I don't slick it straight. I don't want to blow dry it straight right now. I keep reading about people ruining their natural hair with heat and I don't want to go that route.
As far as products - I've been using Apoghee sparingly because if I don't wash it out my hair is greasy as hell. I use Garnier conditioner and it works wonders on my hair. For deep conditioners I am using Once en Uno. Oh and my oils too. I usually just leave the oil on my scalp before rollersetting. I don't see a reason to change that up, but I might do it the other way around. I started taking MSM again as of this week.
My hair is THICK. Everyone comments on it and people that haven't seen me in a while tell me I look "different" but they're not sure why. Unlike what my Dominican hairdressers said, my hair has NOT fallen out because I'm transitioning. If anything, the cut Mary gave me back in April helped me alot and I still have no split ends. Hooray! If I had a relaxer my ends would've been jacked up by now. I might go to her one of these days, but since my hair has been coming out so nice I see no reason to pay $40 to see her. I'm the best Dominican hairdresser for my hair LOL No jodas. I only get positive comments on my hair when I do it myself. To pay somebody else is a pendeja on my end.
I guess that's it for now. I'm in month 8 1/2. In 2 months it'll be one year. I can hardly wait! I will of course capture my moment on my camera for you to see :-)
*sigh* I'm so frustrated today. There's something wrong with my bathroom and until it gets fixed I can't really take a decent shower and I'm having a very hard time doing my hair. I need to call the landlord and get that fixed.
I washed my hair last night and my husband gave me this eww kinda look. Mind you, it was while we were in bed hugging and kissing. I jumped out of that damn bed so fast you would've thought it was on fire. I knew that look. He was playing with my wet hair and was confused as to why I was still transitioning, confused with the texture, and just looking at me like he didn't like something. I wanted to cry.
Now rewinding 4 yrs ago... when I met him he had braids and I really liked him with that look. A year later we were getting married and I begged him to cut off his afro. I told him that I hated it and that I didn't want him to "ruin" our wedding pictures with that damn afro. In my defense he never combed it and when he would sweat it wasn't the lovliest smell in th world *ick* So I know that "ick" look because you know what, that's the look I'd purposely give him every day until he cut his hair bald 2 yrs later. I was so happy! If anything, it made me more attracted to him and I felt like I lusted more for him. Not once did I ever ask him how he felt about his hair. I didn't ask him if he loved embracing his roots or if he resented the fact that I nagged him into cutting his hair.
So as I laid there in bed while he was awkwardly telling me that he was sorry, he wasn't looking at my hair any certain way... I couldn't help but wonder how he felt when I did the same thing for him. He caved and cut off all his hair just to make me happy. I know I won't go back to relaxing just to make him happy, I know it won't make him happy anyway. He's not selfish like that, he knows how much I pride in my Spanish-African roots and I want to look as ethnic as I am. Of course its ok for me but not for him. I won't lie, if he grew his hair back again I'll probably get turned off. But why? I'm not sure why. Its that part of my life I have to check. I want to know WHY I feel that way. God made him who he is... nappy headed, big full lips, tattoos, light skinned but black features, big puppy dog eyes, nice legs.... my Puerto Rican honey. We don't have kids together. As a matter of fact, we both had kids with people lighter than us and I want a nappy headed baby that will resemble the both of us. A beautiful little boy with an afro I can braid.
My brother & his wife had a baby on Thursday :-) Cute little Dominican/Puerto Rican morenita with no hair LOL She is so frickin beautiful!!!! I wanted to eat her cheeks. I hope she also embraces her beautiful brown skin and kinky hair. I will make sure of it.
I am touching my hair and going oh good Lord... I'm tired of roller setting, but I gotta do it. I'm procrastinating. The good thing is I do it and won't have to worry about my hair for another week or two. My hair is getting long so nobody wants me to cut it. I read my journal and I can see that I have been whining about it for a while LOL I have 5 1/2 inches of growth or something like that, can't really tell anymore its just one big afro LOL
Please tell me Lord that when I am 100% natural that I will finally be able to wash and go. Please please please....
Today is my 9th month anniversary. I can't believe its been that long! Its been very hot outside and I haven't been wrapping my hair at night so I feel like my hair didn't last as long as it normally would. Its very dry and I don't like the feeling of it. I will wash it again on Saturday and leave it in a protective bun. On Monday night I will roller set it since I'll be at an amusement park all day and I'm going to get wet anyway.
Today also marks the anniversary of my stepdaughter's death. She would've been 12 today and my husband is beyond depressed. I'm not even sure what to say to him.
Today I was told that I'm leaving my current desk and moving into another cubicle on the other side of my floor. I was released from my secretary duties and effective tomorrow at 3:00pm I'll be the project manager and analyst for the group. I'm excited and scared all at once.
I got my hair blow dried to death on Tuesday. I haven't had it blowdried by a fellow Dominican since April. Although I like having the long hair, people keep asking me if I got a relaxer done (yes its that straight) that almost makes me feel like I somehow don't accept my curly hair or something. I dunno. Maybe I'm analyzing my hair too much. Plus right now a rollerset is the only thing I can do to my hair. That's what I've been doing for 26 yrs and for some reason I thought that 9 months of transitioning would be enough for me to have long curly hair. It doesn't feel like its been a long time. At the same time it does feel like a long time.
On a less depressing note, I asked my hairdresser if I needed a trim and she said something I have NEVER heard in my 26 yrs of relaxing my hair "you have no split ends. Maybe you should cut it in a few months." I actually asked her because I wanted to hear her say it, I already knew I was all set. The last time she cut it was in April of this year. So that was 5 months ago. In the past I would cut my hair after getting a relaxer, my hair would grow, I'd go to the salon after 3 months to relax it again and I would always hear the same shit "you need to cut your split ends cuz they look horrible" yeah no kidding. Damn relaxers! My hair could've been down to my ankles at this point had I never put a relaxer on my big head!
My hair is so healthy, thick and nappy :-) Just ask the annoying girl that put the rollers in my hair. She looked at me and said "aren't you due for a touch-up?" I'm usually very nice, too nice, and will downplay something so I won't have too much attention on myself. I said "No. I don't put desrizados (relaxers) in my hair anymore" She asked "Why?" Yes she has straight hair. I said "Because I don't feel like it" and that was the end of that conversation. Damn nosy bitch LOL Mary (my hairdresser) told her to put Alter Ego hair serum in my hair and it was nice and soft. I love that stuff, I would've bought it but damn it was $26. Maybe next time. I gave Mary a $10 tip and Nosy Girl $0 LOL
My mom told me not to wash it every week, to wash it every 2 weeks cuz it'll grow faster. I smiled and wanted to remind her that she messed up my hair back in 1981 with a relaxer, to please shut up, but I refrained LOL Yes I'm 36 and scared of my momma.
The truth is I still can't just wash and go yet. My hair is growing alot and that makes me very happy. I told my husband about my frustrations and he told me that I should pick a date to cut it and don't look back. He knows how I am about my hair. It can affect my mood, what I wear, whether I feel ugly or pretty... I told him that I would keep letting it grow until my company Christmas party and that after that I would do the big chop on January 1st 2008.
I have to stop telling my family & friends about my intentions of cutting my hair because they discourage me. Of course I'm not blaming them, trust me I'm very stubborn and when I set my mind on something nobody can stop me. I start to listen to people and double guess myself. So I guess I'll do the countdown and just take a deep breathe and wish for the best.
Right now I'm concentrating on my body and trying to go back to 125 lb. like I was a few months ago. Between moving and the whole nappy hair thing LOL I have gained the 20 lb I lost last year. I'm using the Law of Attraction, EFT, oh yeah and keeping the Twinkies out of my belly LOL
I pay $35 at the salon to get my hair washed, roller-set, dried and flat ironed and I get ZERO compliments.
I pay $0 at home to do my own hair and I wash it, roller-set it myself, and flat iron it and I get a million compliments.
Explain to me why I wasted $35 at the salon last week? She won't see my Dominican ass until January when I go to cut it again LOL
Got my period today, 5 days early. Still no baby. I've been trying for 3 yrs and nothing. I will keep trying. I know there's nothing wrong with me, I'm as healthy as a horse, its all in my head. I'm too scared to allow myself to have another child.
I told my husband I was sorry for making him cut his afro. It backfired cuz now he's letting it grow. Me and my big mouth.
I need to lose some weight and join a gym. I've neglected my body long enough. I did manage to do 3 laps at the park down the street from my house. I had a sore back when I was done and boy did it feel good. It was my body's way of saying YES!
Everything is starting to come together. I have faith in God that this too shall come to pass. If not, a tummy tuck is just as good lol
My best friend told me that she can't tell that I haven't had a touch up in 9 months. I told her that add a drop of water on my hair and trust me she'll see it LOL She's white (or European American as she calls it LOL) and doesn't understand why I even relaxed it in the first place. She has been telling me for years to just go natural and cut the shit LOL so she's very happy for me that I'm finally doing this. So today I went to go visit her daughter (my goddaughter) and I told her that I was going to show her my curly hair. I sprinkled some water on my hair, slapped some gel on it, and went over her house. By the time I got there my curls were semi-dry and she told me she loved my curls and that she is so happy for me. She was touching my curls and told me that she's so proud of me.
Fast forward 6 hours.... I meet up with my husband at his job and he says to me "Hey what happened to your hair? Were you in a pool or something?" and he gave me THAT LOOK. That same ewww look as before. It was 65 degrees out and we do NOT have a pool. He had his arm on my car window and I pressed the button that makes the window go up. He screamed in pain and I told him to shut the fuck up.
I found out on Tuesday that I'm going to be a grandma. My daughter is going to be 18 in November and I just found out that she's 6 weeks pregnant. I'm not exactly thrilled. First of all I wanted her to live life, finish college, travel, and enjoy being single THEN get married and THEN have a baby. It didn't turn out that way. I'm very worried about her and I just hope she knows what she's doing. OK so now this also means I'm a GRANDMOTHER. Most people think we're sisters when we're together so this should be interesting to explain. I'm hoping nobody will ask me if he's my son because then I'll have to lie my ass off LOL I am going to dye my hair today because ever since I found out I feel very old (I'm 36 yrs old) and I need to dye my grays. I refuse to go down gracefully lol
So as many of you already know, I cut my own hair on Sunday. Its now Thursday and I'm still trying to figure out who I am now, I am NOT the same person that's for sure. This is how I feel right now: Relieved, happy, scared, curious, FREE, whole, fabulous, and at PEACE...
On Sunday I washed my hair and I kept the deep conditioner in for a while. I had every intention of putting the curlers on my head and doing the normal routine. I grabbed my scissors and snipped away a little bit of hair over my ears. It curled so beautifully... so I did the other side and wow that curly was just as pretty. So I cut a little bit on top and was like let me cut some more. I felt that feeling in the pit of my stomach. I knew it was time. I said to my son, Steven what do you think if I just cut it all off? My son has beautiful 2b curls and he's growing it now and he looooves his hair (too much if you ask me, damn pretty boy) and he said "mom, DO IT" And I smiled and said, ok but close the door and I'll surprise you.
About 15 minutes later I handed him my hair LOL The long lifeless hair I had grown to absolutely detest and hate for 26 yrs. He just laughed and said omg mom! My 9 yr old said "mommy you looked silly" and was cracking up LOL At that point I just laughed and felt years of pain lift off my body. Like I always tell people and they just don't understand... I fucking LOVED my hair when I was little. It was down to my waist, thick, so thick it didn't even curl LOL, it felt good to touch and braid, I just loved my hair so much. When my mom did that to me, and honestly she has no idea what she did to me, it traumatized me. I have always felt ugly and unworthy. OK maybe I seem a bit tad dramatic, but I always felt like she stole something from me that I could never have back. Until now.
When I washed my hair and applied some gel, I looked in the mirror and saw a little girl looking back at me. Having such short hair has made me feel like the power wasn't in my relaxed hair anymore, I was no longer my hair I was Maria.
I looked in the mirror and said "welcome back."
No more worrying about the rain. No more worrying about what I'm going to look like after leaving the pool. No more spending hours and $$$ at the salon. No more sores on my head due to a relaxer. No more heat on my head. NO MORE!!!!
I told my friend that I feel more confident, secure in myself. I wear my kinky hair with pride. Alot of people at work tell me they love my hair. One woman spread a rumor saying that I permed my hair LOL She's white and has straight hair so she has no idea so I'll forgive her LOL
I touch my hair and its very different. No more "silky" feeling. Its rough to the touch LOL but in a good way. Like the different between holding on to a string and a rope. I don't feel as fragile as my hair. I feel STRONG. Had I been older I probably would've rocked a fro in the 70's and worn one of those afro picks with the fist LOL My African American and West Indian friends think I'm insane and brave all at once.
My sister is shocked because she knows how much I hate (hated?) short hair. She said that I'm known for my signature hair to my shoulders. I told her that I feel empowered and that I will have my hair down to my waist, but it'll be on my terms now. NO more chemically treated hair that makes me feel fake, a traitor to my own people. I hope that I inspire many of my people of color to stop the lye and be 100% natural like me.
I waited 26 yrs to say that...God it feels so good. I'll say it again. I AM 100% NATURAL!!!!!!
AMEN
P.S. I'm getting a tummy tuck in May LOL Might as well get my old body back too ahahaha
I officially miss my long hair. No, not the relaxer, just having long hair. I feel anxious. I just want long curls already.
This journal entry might be long but I have alot to talk about today.
First, I'm loving my hair! I feel more confident, wear more make-up, dress up more for work, and my confidence is showing because other people have taken notice. I feel so REAL. I can't describe it. Like THIS is the real me. I no longer have to hide behind a "lye." On the flipside of that, I'm still re-discovering myself. Ok I'm not that other Maria anymore... so who I am now? What is my NEW hair regime? How do I perceive myself now? I am no longer a victim so now I can't whine anymore or complain about my hair. I am no longer that helpless woman that was a slave to relaxers. I am now starting where I left off back in 1981. Its exciting and scary at the same time.
I've accomplished alot this year... I got the job of my dreams, my husband got his job back, I was able to sell my house and move to Boston, my salary is where I want to be, AND last but not least I have 100% natural hair!!! My new goal is to lose the 25 pounds I gained while going from relaxed to natural. I'm so disappointed in myself for gaining all that weight and its starting to affect me. I am trying to take the bull by the horns and my goal for October is to join a gym and buy a pilates CD. I also need to do physical therapy for my neck and back due to the car accident in Sept.
OK here is the real reason why I am posting... I have gotten so many weird reactions from people that the emotions go from happy to confused to real embarrassment. Here are a few examples:
- Riding on the elevator a male co-worker (black) says to me "You know Maria, I'm really starting to like your new hair cut. You can get away with it though. You have that mulatto hair, are you Cape Verdean?" I was like umm no I'm Dominican. He was like ok that's why I curls like that. I said, all black women have beautiful hair. He didn't answer me.
- I go to the Photocopying center at my job and a few of the workers compliment me on my hair. I say thank you, I'm still trying to figure it out. One woman (black) said to me, is that really your hair? You have curly hair? I say yes. She said, well I don't understand why you ever got a relaxer in the first place. I think to myself, great opportunity to maybe convince her to go natural as well! She said, my hair is nappy as hell I won't do it. I said, so what? Who said nappy was ugly? She said, my hair won't look like yours. I don't like that attitude, plus it made me feel like we were different now. Like she's African American and I'm Dominican, overlooking the fact that we are African sisters with the same hair.
- I go to my boss' office (white) to check on her because her daughter was in the hospital. First thing out of her mouth is OMG Maria you have curly hair! I never knew! I said yeah it is, I try to explain to the whitest of white women (she's a sweatheart) that I used to relax it to make it straight. She is SOOOO confused so I stop explaining. She says, well I like it curly so much better. So far every compliment from white people is "I love your curly hair" so why the hell do we relax our hair?!!!
- I find out through a co-worker (she's West Indian with natural hair, but relaxes sometimes) that the woman from HR told her that I permed my hair. Yes the HR lady is white.
- I go to my mom's house and my niece sees my hair. She says "Ewwww your hair is gross" I said well I think its pretty. She has 4a hair and my sister blow dries it every week to kill the curls. I think that my sister has inadvertently brainwashed her into thinking nappy/curly hair is ugly.
- A good friend of mine (Dominican) asked me to go with her to the salon so they can blow dry my hair. I said no thanks, she was like why? I said cuz I don't want my hair straight anymore I don't like it. She was confused and kinda gave me an attitude. She has 2b hair. I got a little annoyed and said, well maybe one day I'll go when my hair is longer.
- I was in the supply room and this pregnant girl (she's from Trinidad) was looking at me all crazy. I said, yeah I know I'm trying to get used to it too. She said, oh no I like it. I said you have beautiful hair too (she relaxes it and its very long) and she said oh no I have nappy hair, you have that good hair so you can go natural. I said, umm no I don't have "good hair" I just take care of it. You have beautiful hair underneath that relaxer I'm sure. She said, no my hair is very nappy and hard. I just sighed. How can you possibly know if your hair is nappy and hard if you relax it?!!! And even if it was nappy and hard, who the hell cares?!!! Its the hair God gave you!
Ok so what's my problem? Well I just think that we're so brainwashed its not even funny. I am 100% Dominican, born and raised, and our culture is amazingly racist even tho 90% of the island is black. Somehow by the grace of God I am not racist against my own, I love my curly hair, my beautiful skin, my full lips.. I love that I'm an intelligent black woman, something people try to destroy with stereotypes. I refuse to believe that there is a difference between an African American woman and me, or any type of black person and me. So what if I have Spanish in me? I don't feel good about the fact that my ancestors were raped 500 yrs ago and I am light skinned due to that. If anything that gives me nightmares!
I try not to over-analyze things. I like the fact that everyone loves my hair and thinks the texture and curls are pretty, but I don't want to be told that anything nappier than my hair is "ugly." That's not true. Why do I feel one way about my hair, but in the morning when I wake up and its matted against my head and I can't comb it I feel like screaming for conditioner and a comb? Why is it that I can't let my husband touch me cuz I am convinced he hates my afro and he is disgusted by me? Somethings wrong with this picture. Maybe to a degree I am racist against my own hair. Its something I'm still working on.
So that's my rant. Sorry its so long!
My grandfather, who is the blackest man EVER, saw my little afro and was so angry at me. He was like what the hell is that mess? Don't come here until you comb your hair. I know what he was saying, you look too ethnic go get a relaxer. Again, my grandfather is the blackest Dominican on this planet LOL But in my country the darker you are the more racist against your own people you are. I don't get it. My grandma liked my hair. She knows how much I love natural hair.
Its been 1 month exactly since my big chop. I can't believe how fast time went by. I can finally do a dry ponytail without my hair sticking out. I have no idea how much my hair grew, but according to the ruler I' have approx. 6 1/2 inches of hair. I am a bit disappointed because on the left side of the bottom of my hair I cut off too much and so now I'm lopsided LOL but its growing and I can finally do a ponytail so that's good.
In 5 days it'll be 11 months since my last relaxer. On November 30th I'll be celebrating my ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY! Sometimes I day dream about how my hair will look like next summer. I picture it long and curly. I can see myself being very happy and finally having the hair I always knew I had.
I love touching my hair. Its thick but soft, I love it... but when I run my fingers thru my hair it doesn't feel like I'm touching MY hair. I'm still not familiar with the sense of touch. I am used to touching my straight relaxed hair. This hair has curls, waves, kinks.. It doesn't have any rhyme or rhythm to it, it zig zags and does whatever it wants to do. My relaxed hair was pretty lifeless. My nappy hair has a poetic flow to it. I just wish I had done this 10 yrs ago, 20 yrs ago. Its ok because at least that past is behind me now.
I'm free.
Yesterday I washed my hair using Aphogee products and today I can't stop touching my hair because it feels so soft. I'm not too crazy about the Henna, mostly because I had such high expectations, but my greys are now red and that my friends is an awesome thing.
I got alot of compliments today. I notice that I got most of compliments when my hair is not gelled up, its only when I have it "tamed" and roller-set. Its all good, either way I know my hair is natural and that's all that matters. Plus for me its easier to comb and run when its rollerset. Once its long enough to slap into a long ponytail I'll do the rollerset less. At least that's my plan. My hair is more versatile now. Monday & Tuesday I had a ponytail. Wednesday I had my hair wet and gelled. Thursday & today my hair was rollerset up and pinned to the side. People keep saying to me "Woman you're always changing your hair style" or "your hair is growing like a weed" or my favorite which I got today "You look so beautiful." I don't necessarily think I'm "beautiful" but its nice hearing it :-)
I thought my hair regimen was going to be cut in half because of my relaxed hair being gone.. nope! Short hair takes longer to style. I thought I was going spend less money on products... wrong! I buy the products I couldn't use before. I bought Paul Mitchell mousse (smells like coconut) and I was happy because I was never able to use mousse before. As a matter of fact, I remember all those days where I'd freak out if a drop of water landed on my hair because I knew my hair was ruined. You couldn't pay me to walk in the rain. It wasn't the rollersetting or repaying Mary $35 to do my hair again... it was knowing that I looked like a wet pigeon while walking in the rain.
I mentioned in my fotki picture today (the nov 2 last pic) that I would like to grow it out in layers. I was never ever able to have my hair in layers before. I couldn't figure it out and my relaxed hair never looked right when I attempted to layer it. I would just grow it straight because that was the only way I could look decent. Its funny but its almost like I forgot how it feels like to have relaxed hair. I know its only been a month, but its like a distant memory. Or an old nightmare. I'm ready to move on with my life. Actually, let me rephrase that.. I've moved on to greener pastures.
For you ladies transitioning: This isn't an easy journey and I can't say every day has been a good hair day because I'd be lying. I haven't regretted my decision one bit. My only regret is not doing this 18 yrs ago. Even when I do have a bad hair day (now they're not so often) I can at least rest assured know that all I have to do to fix it is wet it and try again. That's somebody only a born again natural can appreciate every day.
Its almost been a year now since I decided to go on my hair journey. I have 6 inches of natural hair in the front, 7 inches in the back. I accidentally cut too much on one side than the other so I'm trying to grow that part out.
So now what? I thought that there would be a orgasmic ending to all of this. I thought that I'd wake up to beautiful hair and days of spending hours on my hair were behind me. Umm... no.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not being ungrateful. It took me 7 yrs to get to this point in my life. The fact that I did my own big chop when I absolutely detest short hair (on myself) is a MIRACLE!!! I hate to have short hair, I feel like something is missing. So for me to sacrifice length in order to have natural hair is a miracle in itself. Even my sister was in awe LOL But now the transitioning is over. Now the big chop is over. Now.. what? I just sit here and wait for my hair to grow down to my shoulders again? Oh good Lord.
Anybody that knows me well knows I'm not the most patient person in the world. I hate arts and crafts, I want to see the end result NOW. I hate waiting. I want to see the fruits of my labor yesterday LOL
So yeah that's it. Now I sit back and wait for my hair to grow. Its grown one inch since the big chop 2 months ago. So that means that by June I should have 4 inches of new growth (approximately) since my BC in September. That also means I have to wait 180 long, painful days to see that. Good Lord....
So I'm rollersetting my hair every other weekend now. I feel like when I do my hair I look like something straight out of 1980 LOL I touch my hair and its so thick and short... I don't know who's hair I'm touching. Is that my hair? Its beautiful but, it just doesn't feel like MY hair. I can't explain it. There's nothing I can compare it to. I guess maybe I could compare it to wearing a wig, you tug at it and you know its not your real hair. I tug at my hair and hmmm it doesn't feel like MY hair. I got used to my relaxed hair "FEEL" if you know what I mean. It drives me crazy. I love my hair don't get me wrong. I have a compulsive thing with twirling my hair... but when I twirl it I'm like WTF? Maybe somebody out there can relate and help me with this.
So all week I wore my hair in a POOF. I have a very small ponytail now so the poof is good, the poof gives the illusion of more hair LOL I like that. I remember my cousin having short hair (natural) and doing a ponytail every day. She did this for a while and her hair grew like crazy. I think of her when I do the ponytails. I want my hair to grow like crazy too.
Anyway I won't make this a long post. I will keep looking in the mirror every day. I will keep measuring my progress with the ruler I stole from work. I will continue to twirl my hair and hope I have more hair to twirl as the days go by. As somebody once said to me, its like watching paint dry... except paint might be more interesting to watch.
My one year anniversary of not getting a relaxer just passed. It was November 30th. Its funny how ONE YEAR seems so far away, but honestly it almost feels like yesterday that I started this journey. I remember the day I relaxed it too. I went to my friend who owns a salon and she was very busy that day. She did an ok job, not her best work. I left the salon feeling like my hair was so flat and really not very pretty. I had waited 4 months to get my hair relaxed and I probably had about a good 2 inches of new growth, but the relaxer fried my hair and you couldn't even tell that my hair grew. It wasn't until I sold my house back in February that I decided to go natural. I was liking the way my hair was feeling and looking, then I was like hmm maybe this is a good time to do this.
I spoke to my friends about it and they were encouraging me. They also knew me for over 10 yrs and they knew just how many times I tried to transition in those 10 yrs (probably 5 times) and I wasn't successful. One of them told me that she was going to kick my ass if I didn't do it this time LOL I'm not sure if it was the forums or the threat of getting a can of whoop ass that did it, but I was finally able to do it.
OK so its been a year. My hair is getting there, I can't complain, but its not the hair I want it to be yet. I can do a pony puff so that's awesome. I can't just wash and go yet because my hair is not cut right. One side is cut shorter than the other. I want to kick myself for that one. I waited 10 months of transitioning and 2 months since the big chop just to realize that I STILL can't wash and go yet. Oh damn it. That's the whole point of transitioning!!! I see other women with their hair down and it makes me very frustrated.
I didn't take good care of my body this year and I feel very fat. I started the gym today (hooray!) and I'm hoping to go back down to 125 lb. again. I'm now at a whopping 147 lb :-( and I hate every inch of fat. While I was transitioning I was also going thru a re-org at my job, I sold my house, moved to another house, left from one town to another, found out my daughter was having a baby, and God knows what else that just shook me out of my zone... and it made me overeat. I'm so disappointed in myself, BUT I will overcome this too.
I need to move yet AGAIN in the new year. My daughter moved in with her boyfriend and altho I know she's an adult now and will be ok, I feel extremely sad. My job is transferring me to another dept and I took it personal. People at work that I thought were good friends have turned out to be nothing but pieces of shit. On a less depressing note, I'm back to praying in the morning again, I'm back at church, and I know that the year 2008 is going to be better than 2007.
As far as my hair goes... its coming along. I'm not used to seeing myself with short hair, but its growing like a weed. I know that by June I'll look back at this journal - I'll be 125 with long curly hair - and I'll laugh.
Today I was wondering if my journal was too "dramatic" or has too much feeling to it. I almost edited the content to make it more about my hair and less about my feelings. I logged in and somebody wrote an anonymous comment on my guestbook thanking me for my journal because they're going through the same thing. It made me smile knowing that I can at least help or in some way comfort a stranger going thru the same pains.
My hair is connected to my feelings. If I have a bad hair day, my day is shitty. Ask my husband he'll tell you. Not to be gross but the first few weeks I cut my hair I couldn't even have sex because I thought he found me ugly. Ridiculous? Yeah maybe. Sometimes I wish my hair wasn't such a big part of my emotions.
When I was a little girl I was traumatized when my mom put a relaxer in my hair. I never got to enjoy my hair, never wore it down, never got to wear it curly. I had hair probably down to my waist, but it doesn't matter because I barely remember. I do remember how I "felt" when I would take out my bun at night and play with my hair. That's all I remember, the emotion that was associated with my twirling my hair. I'm 36 years old and I STILL twirl my hair at night.
When I was 11 we moved to the Dominican Republic. My brother got sick while we were in living there and my mom had to fly back to the states. She was only supposed to be gone a few months, but it turned into a year. It was the first time I was ever away from my mom for so long. While she was gone my aunt decided to take me to a Dominican salon. Instead of sticking around she dropped me off and let the woman (bitch) do whatever she wanted. The salon owner decided to cut my hair to my ears. Did I mention my hair was past my bra strap? That was the last time I ever had really long hair ever again. I remember how I "felt" when I looked into the mirror. Not only horror but disbelief. My mom taught me never to yell at adults so I stayed quiet and when I got home I cried all night. To make it worse I had people laugh at me because I didn't know how to comb my hair. I was left to do my own hair and fend for myself and I had no clue how to even do a bun. So I always remember the pain I felt every time someone would make fun of my hair. Even in my teens I couldn't do much with it and I was told "you always do the same hair style" but it was only because my styles were limited to a few. To me letting go of my relaxed hair back in September was good for my soul. I looked in the mirror and said to myself "Welcome back." Yeah sounds dramatic LOL but I actually said that. I felt like I was 10 again. I had a lot of shame associated with my relaxed hair. I'm so glad the nightmare is over.
Now its just me and my beautiful nappy hair :-)
Four more days till Christmas. I love this time of year, but there is so much pressure to buy the perfect gift for everyone. I have my 3 kids - 18, 16 and 9. Then I have my stepchildren that are 11 and 7. My daughter is having a baby next year so there goes my money LOL I have 2 godchildren, a million nieces and nephews, my cousins have babies... good Lord.
I have to pull myself away from the shampoo aisle, cosmetic department and Ann Taylor in order to get the shopping done. If not, I'll end up spending it on myself LOL
In hair news.... I found a really good website today http://nappyme.wordpress.com/ for people with natural hair. Great another hair website to obsess about. Today I was able to put my hair in a bun and I didn't even have to put any gel or creams to make the shorter side stay in place (I cut one side shorter than the other LOL) and I felt happy. My hair is growing like a weed! I think its because of a few reasons.. I'm taking really good care of it, protective styles, good products and I'm trying to keep focused & have a positive vision for my hair. I study LOA (Law of Attraction) and I just feel that if I continue to say my hair grows fast and really believe it, then my hair will grow fast. Sounds like a bunch of crap LOL but I used LOA (Read the book The Secret) and I was able to sell my house in 3 months during a bad real estate market, I got a promotion, and I bonus. If only I can figure out how to use LOA to win the darn lottery.
Its been almost 3 months since I did the BC. My hair is behaving. I don't like how the ends feel sometimes and I think that when I get a professional trim in a few months maybe my ends won't feel so weird. I was playing with my hair alot today. I was able to braid the back of my hair and its so funny to me how the braids curl up in an S shape. I didn't know my hair could do that. I can finally feel hair on the back of my neck. I really miss that alot. I've always had shoulder length hair, but I'm getting used to my short do. I don't mind it anymore. I need to stop buying so many products though. I am so excited to be natural that I want to try every darn product out there. Today I saw the blended beauty sample pack and I was like well its just $20 dollars.. I had to refrain because I JUST spent $42 on Miss Jessie's products and it was only a few days ago I bought 4 things on sale for my curly hair.
I'm in love with my hair again. Its such a blessing to have my hair back, you have no idea. Or maybe you do, if you're reading this then you're transitioning too :-) Oh man transitioning was hard but lemme tell you, its sooo worth it in the end. I feel like a new me, I don't recognize the person looking back in the mirror sometimes. I play with my hair all day and I have to force myself to stop. I've always twirled my hair on the left side of my head, but now I play with all the curls. I love how it has no rhyme or rhythm, it goes in an S shape then zig zags. When I touch my hair its such a comfort zone to me. Some kids had their blankets, I had my hair to twirl.
The comments I get on this site encourages me to keep going. Some people even ask me for my opinion, such a large contrast just 6 months ago when I was searching for help. Its a great online community with so much research and help out there its amazing. I feel a connection with all these strangers out there. Hair is such a huge part of a black woman's life, its just amazing the lengths we go thru to look pretty. And my journey has opened my eyes to other people's lives. My husband's afro (4a) used to bug me, now I love to pull his hair and kiss his face. I play with his nappy hair and get all excited when he braids it. If he ever goes back to bald.. eh who am I kidding I love him bald and would probably go nuts LOL
Alright its midnight and I'm off to bed. My Christmas shopping is almost done and my stress level is lower. I have to keep reminding myself to forget the pressure and keep Christ in Christmas.
Good hair, bad hair. 3b, 3c, 4a, 4b...
What does it matter?
I've seen a lot of bickering on different hair websites about people saying they're 3c when they're 4a. People accusing others of being envious of other hair types. People getting angry when they go natural and the curly hair they thought they had is really a 4b. I don't get it. My mom is trying to discourage my sister from going natural and her hairdresser told her "why do you want to go natural? your hair isn't as nice as your sister's" Can you believe that? I reminded my sister that she used to spend $60+ a week at the salon so maybe just maybe that had something to do with it cuz now she goes once a month if that.
Come on now people, leave it alone. Its just hair. I love my curls. Do I wish it was like my daughter's hair? Yeah I mean I wish I had Lisette's 3b hair because she doesn't even need product and her hair just curls like a black Shirley Temple LOL Even tho I think its beautiful, I won't obsess over it and I don't ever think I'll have hair like hers. I actually do like my hair. My hair can afro, its thick, it curls, its pretty crazy.
I didn't go natural to compare my hair to others. I wasn't sure it even curled, but I took a chance anyway because my whole goal was to get away from chemicals and frying my hair. I've seen people get upset because they thought their hair was curly but really it was more on the kinky side. So what? Keep things in perspective folks - its just hair. I stopped the chemicals because quite frankly I don't know what the hell is in that stuff. Is that what's causing so much cancer in the black community? Will it seep into our skulls and change our DNA? I don't want to know. And then to find out that most of the money being spent on black products is going overseas to China and North Korea anyway? I'm sure they have our best interest in mind.....NOT! Same place that gave us lead poisoning in toys is making our hair products. That's a pretty scary thought.
I got tired of being left out when I went swimming. I got tired of having hair that didn't move when I lowered my chin. I got tired of looking at see-thru hair in the mirror that was thin and dry. I got tired of having hairdressers burn my hair. Actually I loved scratching the scabs until I bled. Yuck! I hate waiting 5 hours at the salon. I hate it when I pay $40 and my hair looks like crap. I hate bone straight hair cuz it makes my forehead look like Tyra Banks. I hate it when I have to cut off all my hair because somebody left the relaxer in too long. I hate it when I tell my hairdresser not to cut more than 1/2 inch and they cut 2 inches off.
People you guys have to stop fighting over hair. I frequent a board that only allows 4a-4b hair types to go in. The moderator talks down on curlies because she probably thinks its ok. I go there anyway because its informative, but I'm thinking hey aren't we all women of color? Why should I feel good isolating a whole group of women just because I have a different hair texture? Its almost like the light skin vs dark skin mentality. I dunno. I guess I'm too sensitive, but these are things that I was NOT expecting to encounter once I went natural.
To all my natural sisters out there - regardless of texture and hair type - God bless you! You guys are some fabulous divas!
OK I can finally BREATHE.. the Patriots just won and they're 16-0. I'm a ruthless Red Sox fan, but everyone knows that I turn into a dude every Sunday in the fall when I watch my football games LOL I am a die-hard NE Patriots fan. Go Pats!
OK so here I am at 11:43pm with honey and extra virgin olive oil in my hair. To say my hair is sticky is an understatement. I have a patch of dry hair I'm trying to nurse back to health, if that makes any sense. I figure this is much better than paying $30 for some product that most likely won't work. Worse comes to worse I'll use the oil for cooking and put some honey in my tea LOL No love lost. I also bought some coconut milk and I have no idea what I'm going to do with it, but I'll figure that out some other time. Right now I need to take this sticky mess out of my hair.
I love to Henna my hair every 4-6 weeks because its a natural alternative to coloring my hair. Plus it works as a protein and makes my hair strong. I will probably Henna next weekend. Right now I am on vacation and can't be bothered. I will do an Aphogee treatment on Monday and rollerset my hair. I start in a new department on Wednesday and I want to go to work with some nice dry hair. I rollerset on Monday for Christmas Eve, but by Wednesday morning I got the itchin to wet my hair and did a pony puff. Plus I touch my hair SOOOO friggin much that I annoy myself, so I did the ponypuff so I can leave my hair alone. Its like a obsessive compulsive disorder at this point. I love to touch every curve, swirl, curl.... Yeah I won't rollerset till Monday LOL
Speaking of hair.. I put Aphogee in my sister's hair on Sunday and I thought it was going to come out as awesome as it does on me. My sister has very thin hair due to relaxers. Right now she is transitioning and has about 3 inches of new growth. I think that she is a combination 3c/4a but I'm not 100% sure yet, its too soon to tell. I haven't seen her natural hair since the mid-80's when she tried to go natural and did a TWA. Anyway to make a long story short, my sister's relaxed ends got knotted up and matted. It looked like I superglued the ends. I panicked and thought I was going to die! She was calm.. she's used to her hair always falling out. Even when she brushes it her hair just falls out. She even said that when she rollersets and takes out the curlers her hair falls out, that's crazy. Anyway it took me a while to get her hair untangled and into the rollers. The next day her hair looked awesome. Needless to say I won't play hairdresser again.
I'm excited about the new year. I have so many things I want to do not only with my hair, but with my life. I've been through alot of changes in the past 12 months. I sold my house last February and moved from the northshore to Boston. It was a big change for me and emotionally I sometimes couldn't handle it. To comfort myself I stopped praying in the morning and instead starting overeating. In Jan. 07 I was 125 lb. and today I am close to 150 lb. How did I gain 25 lb? I think it was a combination of my nerves, seeking comfort in food, anxiety and believe it or not transitioning. I take pictures now and see a double chin and I cringe. I think that now that my hair is short I can't hide behind my hair. I am a pain in the butt because when my hair doesn't look good you can definitely tell in the way I carry myself. I won't take care of the rest of me. Its the new year so I want to put the excuses behind me and start to lose weight. I want to see a beautiful face to match my new hair.
I'm glad I'm natural but I'm a little frustrated with my hair STYLE. Its short but wet and curly it has no definition. The top is short and I'm so used to having the front of my hair down to my shoulders and flipped to the side. What's worse is that the hair near my ears is extremely short, then the middle is poofy, the back is more wavy than curly, and I feel like I have some kind of weird mullet. If I lived in New Hampshire it would be ok but since I DON'T I guess no hair down for me LOL No offense to you NH people, I love Nashua ha ha ha Thank God for two things:
1. Rollersets
2. My hair can be put in a bun
I'll have to live with the fact that my hair will probably never be even again.
Enuff whining...I went to an Indian store today in Quincy and bought a few items. I got some coconut oil which is very greasy but damn it smelled so good. I left it on for 2 hrs and my hair came out looking pretty nice and shiny. I also bought some Henna. I still have 2 bags of Henna, but I wanted to try out a local vendor and not bother buying Henna online. I got 7 ounces for $3.99. I have no idea if that's a deal or not, but I cut out the middle man and saved money on shipping so the price is just right for me.
I saw some Amla, but that stuff is so stinky (no offense to anybody that uses that stuff). I'll probably pick up a bottle for my pregnant daughter who's hair is shedding. Amla made her hair strong and grow a few yrs back so I know she'd use it again. I might use it.. I dunno.. it smells so horrible I don't know if I could handle the smell again. I didn't buy anything else because I promised myself not to buy anymore crap for a while. I have bought so many products that I could literally open my own beauty supply store LOL Plus half this stuff looks horrible on my hair anyway. I need to get rid of half of it and give it to my daughters.
I'm now looking into "scab hair" and what the hell that really means. I read somewhere that it might be a figment of our imagination. That of course sparks a debate on whether we just can't accept our nappy hair for what it is. Who knows. I haven't relaxed in 13 months so any signs of scab hair are hopefully gone. I sometimes wonder if the mess I have in the front is scab hair. Although I doubt scab hair is 7 1/2 inches long LOL
I'm happy, but just want my hair to grow already. It reminds me of a rock I used to have next to my roses a few years back that read:
Grow damn it, grow!!!!
P.S. One of my co-workers (African American woman) told me that she's interested in going natural. I got so happy! I told her that I'll help her out. She thought I was going crazy last year, but she's always complementing me on my hair now. I hope she does it! I'm not anti-relaxer, but if I can "convert" somebody to the natural side trust me I will. :-)
Today it was a beautiful warm day in Boston. I believe it went up to 67 degrees :-) which is extremely rare in January for Massachusetts. I went for a walk with my friend and enjoyed the warm air before its gone. She's natural too, in fact she's the one that inspired me to go natural. She said she loves my afro puff LOL
I haven't put any heat in my hair since December 24th so that's approx. 14 days without the flatiron or dryer. Today I washed it and finally put in some rollers because I am tired of wetting my hair so much. On the weekends I don't mind really, but a few days ago I wet my hair before heading out the door and now I'm coughing alot. Some people say there is no correlation between wet hair and the temperature, but I sure as heck notice how I feel when I wet my hair and walk outside. Its usually a bad thing.
As far as milestones... today I was able to go one size up in my rollers! Hooray! I graduated to the purple rollers. I've been using the small yellow ones since the end of October. I did the back of my hair with the yellow smaller ones because I want my hair to flip up and look more curly. I'll buy more purple ones this weekend. I used Aphogee on my hair, I hadn't used it since November. I put a Dominican DT, but I think I'm going to buy a new one because this one doesn't feel as good as the other ones I've used in the past.
I've been moisturizing my hair a lot, taking really good care of it. Yesterday I was admiring how absolutely beautiful my hair is and I noticed that my hairs at the bottom (nape of my neck) seem to be more wavy than curly. I was like hmm that's strange. Then I noticed that the front of my hair is still kinda lifeless. I examined it more and realized that I still have about 1/2 inch or more of relaxed hair on the front. No wonder its so hard to curl! I have to cut it, I have no choice BUT unfortunately I have to wait until March because if I do it now I won't be able to wear my hair in a ponytail. I got so mad I wanted to cry. I was very upset. Did I mention I have my period? Yeah I'm a little more dramatic than normal. I guess I'm just so tired of short hair.
I've been researching alot, reading blogs and journals, and alot of people have said that their hair grew the most when they stopped going to the salon and started caring for their own hair. It took me back to 1990 when my mom cut my hair very short and I didn't have any hairdressers around so I would do my own hair. She moved back to the Dom. Republic so I had nobody to do my relaxers, so I started doing them myself. I didn't know it then but I would "stretch" my relaxers so I only did it every 16 weeks. I'd rollerset once a week. I didn't cut my hair for a few years and by 1992 my hair was bra strap length. Not only that, but it was really bouncy and beautiful. In 1993 I went to a hairdresser for the first time to get a relaxer... a week later my hair started falling out. A few weeks after that my hair was cut short again. I'm so tired of hairdressers.
It might sound crazy, but my goal is to NOT cut my hair (well just the little in the front that has a relaxer) for the next 2 yrs. I know I can do it because I've gone as long as 3 yrs without a haircut. If I go to the salon it'll be MAYBE once next year. In fact I can't even guarantee that because my hair only looks really good when I do it myself. I get people even on the street asking me who did my hair and asking if I'm a hairdresser ha ha ha And when I pay somebody $40 nobody even notices my hair was done professionally. What a shame!
How do I feel after 13 months? Well I feel like there's so much more for me to learn. I use a lot of homemade recipes with natural ingredients. I'm spoon feeding my baby (hair) natural food.
I also feel very tired. I feel like I'm obsessed with hair. I even have hair related dreams!
I am still very excited and I know in my heart I made the right decision. I am now concentrating on my health and weight and have a happy balance of beautiful hair and beautiful body :-)
I have a headache so I'll make this short and sweet. I have been co-washing almost every day or at least wetting my puff and not really doing a whole lot to my hair except feeding it oil and nurturing it.
I put together the henna paste for my sister yesterday and she applied it this morning. I really hope she likes it. She's transitioning, I already did it so we will talk on the phone for hours about hair. She doesn't know about my Fotki page or my journal, but I might keep it to myself. Some parts of my life I like to keep private.
I want to learn how to braid my hair so I can do a french braid. I think I'm going to just wash and do a ponytail and not rollerset till around my birthday (Feb 2nd). I have to start looking at apartments so I might have no choice. Sometimes I wonder how unprofessional my hair in a ponypuff looks, but when I look at my pictures my hair looks so pretty.
OK so I'm a bit obsessed with my puff
I look in the mirror at work and I say to myself "Now THAT is some sexy ass hair" Ahaahhahaa!!! Hopefully nobody hears me!
If you go back to my May journal entries I talk about how much I hate my ponytail. I'm not a ponytail kinda gal. Or at least I wasn't. When I had relaxed hair, if my hair was short and I did a ponytail my hair would look like a rat's tail LOL Long it looked OK, but just ok, I felt like it looked messy and unprofessional.
Now my puff... MY PUFF!!!!... its so sexy LOL It has so much personality. Best of all, its so easy to do! I just slap on some water and gel and I'm out the door in minutes. It almost seems wrong to me to have such sexy effortless hair LOL My puff reminds me of those fake buns with kinky curls I see at CVS for $9.99. I wonder if anybody thinks its fake? I actually wonder that in the train and pull it from time to time so nobody thinks its fake. Yes that's a bit STRANGE and neurotic LOL but nobody said I was normal.
Tomorrow I think I will do a ponytail(puff) but maybe part my hair to the side and gel it. Hopefully it'll look decent. Right now the front of my hair is not that long. My front has always been chin length, right now it doesn't even reach my eyebrows. I can hardly wait till its longer!
Today I finally wore my hair curly to work. I haven't done that since the beginning of October. I hated the way it looked and I felt "stupid" looking or whatever. I'm very complicated LOL So anyway lately I just haven't been in the mood to rollerset even though I know it makes my hair easy to manage. I've been loving the ponytails so I have been co-washing on and off for the past 3 weeks really. So anyway today I decided to wear my short hair loose with no scrunchies. I co-washed and added Miss Jessie's Curly Pudding and Tresemme and this was the end result:
I'm loving my hair.
I swear to you that I love my hair so much that every day I fall in love with it even more. I'm so happy I could poop! I just need to lose 25 lb. and I'll be good to go. I feel "complete" now that my hair is natural. I feel like my hair is changing every day for the better and I am always excited to try new products and styles.
I bought like $50 worth of crap yesterday even though I promised myself I'd stop buying more hair products. I swear I won't buy anything else for a few weeks. Don't make me pinky swear.
I finally found the Kid's Organic shea butter! I was so happy when I found it. It was a bargain so I bought 2 shampoos (I likie) and 2 bottles of moisturizing lotion. I also bought some other products. I made sure to add the shea butter and lotion to my hair before rollersetting. I used the bonnet hair dryer and when my hair was dry I used some Fantasia hair serum and applied heat with the flat iron.
I was a little bit scared to do my hair because I know my hair is uneven so I have been flipping it UP to make it appear one length. So yesterday I decided to see how much it has really grown so I rollerset down and flatironed down. I am very happy with the results. Its uneven, but not as noticeable as I thought it would be. I love the color and layers. I don't have any split ends so I'm not going to cut my hair. My hair felt very soft and moisturized. I was happy cuz I had to buy bigger rollers two sizes bigger. I am holding onto the HUGE red curlers and I will be even happier when I can wear those again.
I must be a pain in the ass, but I actually miss my curls after doing a rollerset yesterday. There's no pleasing me. I feel like I look like everyone else. I didn't think I'd miss them this quick. I doubt I'll make it to Friday. My 37th birthday is this Saturday and I remember it was around the beginning of February of 2007 that I decided to go natural. Time just passes by so fast.
Happy Birthday to me!
Happy Birthday to me!
Today is my 37th birthday. The last time I had a head full of natural hair on my birthday was Feb. 2, 1981. I was 10 yrs old and probably flat chested LOL It feels good to know I'm heading in the right direction.
Today my 18 yr old daughter Steph decided she wanted to blow dry my hair. She's been bothering me for a while to get my hair done and I keep saying "nope" so today when she got a hold of my sister's new Avon blow drier she was hounding me to let her do my hair. Normally I would say no. She's not a professional and I don't want anybody touching my hair. I let her do it anyway because she's pregnant and was getting on my nerves LOL So this fancy blowdrier has an attachment to it where you don't need a brush, it has an attachment that acts like one. My hair at the nape of my head was dry in no time. She then proceeded to use a flatiron on me. She was mad when I put a hair serum on it. I told her it was to protect my hair from the heat of the flatiron. She said I'm paranoid. I ignored her, hey I'm the one that has to live with messed up hair!! I'd rather be overprotective than to transition for 10 months all over again.
This is how my hair came out.
I was very surprised to see how long it is. I can't believe its shoulder length already. I had my daughter measure my hair and it was 8 inches. The one section that I accidentally cut too short is 7 inches. I will probably get a trim when my hair is about 12 inches. I don't want anybody touching my hair. I might ask my daughter to do it. If I wear it curly nobody will notice so for now I really don't care cuz I can live with it.
I'm really starting to NOT like straight hair anymore. Its so boring to me now. I wore my hair straight (not as bone straight as in this pic) for 4 days last week and I was like YAWN this is so boring. I put ti in a puff on Friday and thank God I did because I got drenched in the rain and except for the sniffles, I was happy knowing I didn't have to worry about my hair.
That's all for now. I'm glad to be alive and spend time with my family on my 37th birthday. God is definitely good.
The 8 inch afro plastered to the back of my head is actually my hair LOL I woke up this morning and I was like WHOA! Mind you, I washed it around 3:30pm and it never fully dried when I went to bed at 10:30pm and since I toss and turn at night, my hair was a matted mess in the AM. My little girl is in the shower and after she's done I'll go wet my hair and put it in a bun.
This is month number 15 since my last relaxer. I've been 100% natural for 5 months now. Just when I think I got this thing down, my hair will either grow or change or both and I gotta find a new regimen. Last week I wore my hair straight for 5 days. I wore it down for 3 of those days and it reaches the back of my neck and finally rests on my shoulders. It reminds me of the length it was last April when Mary cut my hair while I was transitioning. I'm having good hair days and bad hair days. Most of the time I don't really know what to do with my hair. When I have it straight I actually feel annoyed. I feel like I look like everybody else. I never thought I'd feel this way so soon! I was dying to wet my hair again and feel my curls, but I was determined to wait a week. I felt like since I put so much effort into rollersetting I might as well keep it straight. Plus its been cold and I don't want to wet my head all the time. I don't care what anybody says, when I wet my hair in the morning and go outside when its freezing out I catch a cold.
Picture of my rollerset hair. Sooooo boring....
So now what? Well I promised myself that I wouldn't update my Fotki till April. Mostly for my own sanity. I also promised no straightening till April either. I don't really mind. My ponytail looks neat and polished for work and its so effortless. I consider it my protective style so I'm killing two birds with one stone. I don't have any split ends and I'd like to keep it that way. I notice that when I wear my hair in a ponytail it grows faster (I think anyway) and I don't have to worry about messing with it too much. I miss my long hair more and more each day. I wear it straight and its a constant reminder of how short it is. Yeah its growing like a weed, but I still miss looking at my reflection and seeing long hair. It brings me much anxiety so I don't want to even rollerset till April either. It probably sounds weird to whoever is reading this, but I think that I've been patiently waiting for my hair to grow and I'm just frustrated. The fact that I cut my hair is a miracle, I always hated short hair on myself. But I loved my hair enough to set it free from a relaxer so it was a small sacrifice to make for such a good cause. I love my hair, don't get me wrong. I think its beautiful!!! But I'm still learning and its hard to get any help on styling. Almost all the black hair magazines cater to women that relax their hair or have weaves. It doesn't talk about growing kinky hair long or how to take care of natural hair at all. Its scary really. There's so much self-hate in our world when it comes to hair...
As far as new products... I have some powdered Amla waiting for me in the kitchen. I used the Amla oil, but I was told it has mineral oil inside and I really don't want to put that in my hair. The Amla powder was only $1.99 for a small box anyway so its not going to break the bank. I bought some Diez en Uno and my mom gave me her bottle of La Bomba conditioner, deep conditioner, and shampoo. I have way too many other products in my bathroom. I could open up my own salon I have so much shit LOL
Right now I'm trying to lose weight and I'm going to Atlantic City in April so I would like to lose 15 lbs before then. I might have to join Weight Watchers because I'm not putting too much attention to the food I'm putting in my mouth. I joined a gym and that's at least making me feel better. I hurt my back in a car accident back in Sept. so I'm having a hard time working out for more than 1 hour. I'm hoping that when I lose the weight my recovery will speed up.
Alright let me put this Amla stuff in my hair and figure out what I'm going to do the rest of the day.
Not only is it my husband's 37th birthday, but my stepdaughter got her period for the first time today. Poor guy took her to her to the emergency room last night because she was doubled over in pain, only to find out it was really cramps and she got her period LOL Poor baby
OK so this is month number 6 (officially on March 24th anyway) for me being 100% natural and I'm finally noticing length. I was just looking at my November pictures and I'm amazed at how much my hair was changed in just a few months. This week I've been wearing it in protecting styles and last night I did a coconut oil treatment. I love the smell of coconut! I wanted to eat my hair LOL
So what's new in my life? I'm finally feeling alot more confident about wearing my hair out. On Monday I wore it out at work, Tuesday I had the bottom out and the top in a clip, the rest of the week it was in a ponytail. My co-workers always tell me that they are amazed at all the different styles I can do, but mostly they're amazed (well the black co-workers that are relaxed) that I can rock the straight styles without having to use a chemical. I have one good friend that told me she's going to go natural, but she's been avoiding me cuz she got a relaxer. I'm not the relaxer police! I sure won't judge her since it took me years to get where I am today. I think the thought crept up in my mind Dec of 99 and 5 months later I was relaxed again. Its not easy! But you just have to keep trying till you get your "Aha" moment as Oprah says. My Aha moment was looking at my lifeless hair back in 2006 when my hairdresser (God bless her) relaxed my hair and she did a horrible job because she was being rushed. My hair was slick straight and felt like it was blow dried to death. I was like to hell with this. I'm so glad she f'd up my hair or otherwise I'd be a slave to the salon.
Right now I'm treating my hair like a newborn baby. I'm trying to lose 25 lb. and be at the weight I was at last March. I decided to stop obsessing about it and just take it one day at a time. I joined the gym, I've been eating better, I tell myself that I can do this. I tell myself that if I could go natural, which is 100% harder than losing weight, then I can do this too. There's nothing too hard for God.
Today I'm feeling down in the dumps. I had an argument with my 18 yr old daughter (that's nothing new) who is pregnant. She really pushed it and I ended up hanging up on her. I feel bad only because she's pregnant, but I just couldn't deal with her.
I bought some sulfur and received it yesterday. It doesn't smell as bad as I thought it would. As a matter of fact, for some strange reason I actually like the smell LOL I went out to buy the castor oil, but I couldn't find it so I had to use grapeseed and jojoba oil because there was nothing else. I hope it works with those substitutes. So my head feels tingly but other than that it doesn't burn or itch. I bought a bottle to evenly distribute it throughout my hair and when I was done I put a shower cap over it because I couldn't find my silk bonnet. I will continue to do this every day until April 15th to see if I have one inch of growth. I measured yesterday and I had 9 inches on the sides, 8 on top, 9 in the back. The small section I accidentally cut too much was (I think) close to 6 1/2 inches. If this sulfur stuff works I'm going to concentrate on that patch of hair so that it can catch up with the rest of my hair.
So ladies and gentlemen, let's see if I get 1 inch a month and I'll post my results in April. Hey I wouldn't mind getting 9 inches of hair by December! That would be sweet to have below bra strap length (18 inches) of hair by then. Happy growing!
OK explain to me why I spent my money on a bottle of Sulfur... only to have my face dry as hell and it even gave me a few pimples! My face, which is usually flawless, looks horrible. The pimples aren't even the worst, my face just looks dry and nasty. Needless to say the bottle is gone (I don't want anybody else to suffer) and I am out of $18 bucks. That's what I get for trying to do a shortcut LOL I read on somebody's fotki that it gave her 1 inch of hair a month. Now my hair has been growing significantly fast since I started my natural process, but I got greedy and I wanted it to go even faster. That's what I get!
Its bad enough I gained 25 lb since going natural due to depression, but I'm not about to get dry ass skin too. The good news is that its finally clearing up and I have been moisturizing day and night. I should be ok eventually. I don't even know why I did it (well besides the obvious) because I've been eating more organic since going natural because I just want to stay away from anything artificial. Now I got an allergic reaction to this sulfur stuff and its my own fault. OK you live and learn right? LOL Never again! Good news is that my hair is fine, no hairs were lost in this process. My skin is clearing up and I've lost 5 lb. :-) So all is good.
To anybody reading this blog post: stay away from anything artificial to make your hair grow longer. That's the lesson I learned the hard way.
So last week I had an event with the networking organization I volunteer for. I had to get dressed up because I was also representing my firm. I hadn't rollersetting my hair since the end of March fiasco and I figured eh what the heck I'll use a little heat again. I hear so many horror flatiron horror stories that I'm terrified to use too much heat. I sure as heck didn't wait all these months to have a decent amount of hair just to have heat ruin it. Anypoop, I rollerset my hair up in a flip. It just looks so glamorous and BIG that way. I love it, altho since the front of my hair still isn't long enough its very challenging for me to style the front.
This is the side view
A little over 9 inches in the back
8 1/2 inches in the front
Now I got stopped by like 20 people I know to tell me how gorgeous my hair is, did I relax it (hellz no!), was it a weave, how do I go from curly to straight, how the heck did my hair grow so fast.... Of course I take the opportunity to convert my relaxed friends to natural LOL I do it on the down low. So I get alot of "your hair looks like Beyonce's in the movie Dream Girl" Oh. My. God. Yeah it does! Its huge! I wish I looked like Beyonce too LOL Anyway I get intimidated by my hair cuz like I said its so big. I hate flat hair, don't get me wrong. I don't like hair that looks like its been licked by cows LMAO but my hair looked like Amy Whinehouse! So I will rollerset it again maybe in May. In the meantime I'm taking good care of it and enjoying the versatility and freedom of having the best of both worlds finally.
I'm here in my kitchen watching Snakes On a Plan which is the worst movie ever made. EVER. And I have henna on my hair. I sometimes like to wait before I henna so I can see how much my hair has grown. I had about 2 inches of ugly greys and I am fascinated with watching my hair grows. I hate the smell of henna, I hate touching it, my shoulders have spots here and there. Blah. But I'm so glad I found an alternative to dying. If I had to dye my hair once a month I'd fry my hair. I know this as a fact, I have ruined my hair three times by dying it black. You'd think I'd learn after the FIRST time I fried it LOL
Anyway back to S.O.A.P. Did I mention that this is the WORST movie I've ever seen?
I just wanted to write down a new milestone for me. Back in October I blogged about how I could finally do a ponytail after the big chop. My hair was about 6 inches when I did that. Of course I needed the assistance of Fantasia Gel and lots of bobby pins! By November I didn't need any of those things and my ponytail (puff) was magnificent LOL
Anyway my new milestone is that I can finally put my hair in a low ponytail because the hair in the front is finally growing (it grew 3 1/2 inches since the BC) and now I can FINALLY also do a braided ponytail to secure it at night. Before I had to do high ponytails and then braided that short hair was not even an option. Mind you, the braid is only about 4 inches long LOL but it doesn't matter, I'm very happy.
I remember when I was a little girl and my mom would do two pigtails and they would be past my shoulders. I'm thinking my hair must've been down close to my waist when this was done. I wasn't allowed to leave my hair down so I don't know. So anyway that's my milestone.
As far as the length of my hair... I'm noticing that its growing faster in more places than others. My sides (close to my ears) are 9 1/2 inches long. The nape of my neck is about the same. The front of my hair is 8 1/2 inches. The side I butchered is probably about 7 1/2 inches long now, I need to measure. Its so weird how it all started one length and now its growing in different stages. Sometimes it feels like its growing so slow, but when I look back at pictures of me in Sept. I'm amazed at my progress. I had about 14-16 inches of hair back in the beginning of 2007 before my April cut. Had I been natural back then I would've had about 25 inches of hair by now. The thought just boggles my mind. I couldn't retain that much length in the past, but now I definitely will.
I'm half asleep now cuz it was my nephew's 18th birthday and we ate, ate, and ate till we couldn't eat anymore.
I did my hair today and I think (actually I know) I need a new hair polisher because this Fantasia serum is too thick and it feel icky. I rollerset and flat ironed but it feels very heavy because of the serum. Anyway my hair came out ok, I think it could've came out nicer if the weather would've been nicer. If its humid out my hair goes BOING LOL
I can touch the bottom of my hair without any effort now. I finally don't feel bald anymore. I'm actually extremely amazed at how fast my hair is growing. I am thinking that by the end of this year I should have hair at my bra strap without any effort. It'll be the first time in a VERY long time.
In curly hair news.... I am still feeling awkward when I hair my hair wet. I normally wear it in a ponypuff to work and once in a while I'll rollerset. If I do wear it out I have to make sure I have enough time to air dry it. It looks very pretty, but I hate the shrinkage. I am just waiting for my curly hair to at least be shoulder length. OMG I can hardly wait! I wore my hair curly last Tuesday and my co-worker (Asian) asked me if I got a perm! Ahahahaa!! I said nooooo! She said that I've inspired her to get a perm. I said, OMG leave your hair alone and don't put chemicals in your hair! Good Lord of all the things I could've inspired her to do why that? LOL I hope she doesn't go thru with it.
People think I'm a chameleon LOL and that I have my hair short, long, straight, curly, etc... and they're all confused. I'm thinking... wow there are so many of us curlies in the world, yet nobody seems to know that it is ok to wear your hair differently every day.
I stopped journaling for a while because the month of May was traumatic for me.
On May 8th I was in the hospital with my daughter because she was about to give birth to my first grandchild. About 30 minutes before giving birth I received a call from my brother... My grandma (we call her Mama - you gotta say it in a Spanish accent) had fallen on the floor in the bathroom. My family rushed to her side only to see the signs of a massive stroke. I couldn't believe what I was hearing! My Mama! My precious 96 yr old grandmother that I had just visited 2 days before was going to die! She was so excited on Tuesday, rubbing Steph's belly and telling me she was so happy to have a great-great grandchild be born. I told her we were going to take pictures of me, Leilany (the baby), her, my mom, and Steph - 5 generations. That picture never happened. I had to leave my daughter's side after my grandbaby was born. I got to the hospital thinking "she'll recover, she always does!" When I saw her I knew....
Mama is a strong woman. I refuse to talk about her in the past tense. She died on May 19th, eleven days later. It was painful to see her waste away to nothing. She couldn't talk or walk, but she could understand and hold everyone's hand. People flew in from all over the world to see her. I am proud of my brother and cousins for dropping everything and coming to Massachusetts. The day before she died I was talking to her, holding her hand and talking to her. I was also playing with her hair. I finally noticed that the hair in the front of her head looks exactly like mine. Its the frizzy part in the front I'm forever annoyed with! OMG I finally find out who gave me the frizzy hair in the front. It was my Mama. I guarantee you I will never complain about my hair ever again.
Rest in peace Alejandrina Gutierrez. Te amo Mama.
Since I'm doing the I'm Bunnin' It...a grow-out challenge on naturallycurly.com
http://www.naturallycurly.com/curltalk/showthread.php?t=47735
I promised to keep my hair up in a bun until September and then do a "big reveal" so as much as it kills me to do so, I promised to not update my Fotki for 2 1/2 months. I figured I'd get a blow out and take a picture at the salon. Hopefully my hair won't "melt" like it did last weekend when the stylist gave me a blow out, only to have it puff up an hour later. Oh man I was so mad! LOL My hair was like I don't think so and slapped me upside the head with a flat iron LOL
OK this is not really venting but here I go:
Why is it that the more my natural hair grows (by the way this is month 9) the more it behaves differently? I can use a product for a week straight and every day I'll get a different result. What the heck is that all about?!!! Another thing I'm noticing is that my hair has more waves now. I still have the curl at the bottom thank God, but now that its growing my hair has this pretty zig zag wave to it. I'm not complaining, I just wasn't expecting it to do that. My daughter has these beautiful huge ringlets that spiral down and I guess I was expecting my hair to do that. Her curls start from the root to the end. Of course she's got a different texture and my hair is more course than hers so that might be the difference. I would say its the brush, but maybe I'll try plopping to see if that makes a difference.
My hair in the front is about 9 inches, in the back about 10-10 1/2" (Its very hard for me to measure it now) and the same on the sides. I can now pull down the front of my hair and it reaches my bottom lip. I can hardly wait until the front reaches past my chin so I can sweep it to the sides like I used to.
I'm bunning my hair and I'm hoping to have at least 1 1/2 to 2 inches of new growth by September.
Please wait...
