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About Sol -- The Q&A (Updated as of 7/20/05)

<a href="http://public.fotki.com/solbeam/photogalleries/pursuit/"; target="new" border="0"><img src="http://images1.fotki.com/v3/photos/1/10428/102860/flatsplash1-vi.jpg"; border="0"></a>

<b>: : : What Is This?</b>

<p>THIS is a live travel journal documenting the international pursuit of a Personal Legend.

<p>A "personal legend" is a term coined by Paulo Coelho in one of my favorite fables "The Alchemist."

<p><i>"...whoever you are, whatever it is that you do, when you really want something, it's because that desire originated in the soul of the universe. It's your mission on earth. To realize one's Personal Legend is a person's only real obligation." </i><b>-- "<a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0062502182/qid=1022699018/sr=8-1/ref=sr_8_1/103-9807646-7953451"; target="new">The Alchemist</a>", Paulo Coelho</b>

<p>Of course, I don't feel as if I KNOW anything, let alone my "mission" on earth. But what I do FEEL -- is that I must move. <b>Pursue. </b>As for WHAT I am pursuing, I haven't any concrete idea. Nor am I really all that interested in what prize my hunt may capture. It’s the “pursuit” itself that has thus far enticed me into the last five years of unforgettable adventure through over 45 countries and six continents. It’s the pursuit itself that ignited my passions for volunteer work, salsa dancing, spanish, scuba diving, Eastern philosophy, experiential education and <a href="http://public.fotki.com/solbeam/photogalleries/camera_play/"; target="new">photography</a>. It’s the “pursuit” that has taught me the lessons on life that I searched for, but never found, in my textbooks at university. It’s the “pursuit” that has humbled me both as an American and as a human being. It's the “pursuit” that gave me a new overwhelming respect and understanding for the intelligence of nature. It's the “pursuit” itself that ignited something in my soul, sparked my spiritual quest, and set fire to both my heart and heel.

You know that feeling when you look up into the night sky and fall dizzy in questions of our place in that space? We'll I've decided to dedicate THIS life, to seeking and understanding that mystery of being. I don't fancy finding answers. I find my fancy in the questions themselves.

I have no inspirations of being entertaining, making money, being popular or enlightening anyone. I'm just documenting my travel adventures, as well as the progressive realizations made on the path of my pursuit, and inviting anyone along for the ride.

There are only two things that I ask of myself in this life; to seek inspiration, and to share it. THIS is simply my way of combining my greatest passions: travel, writing, and the web, to realize that mission.


<p><b>: : : Where Are You Going Next? </b>

<p><i>"There is a vitality, a life force, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all of time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and will be lost. The world will not have it. Keep the channel open, follow your heart, and everything else will take care of itself." </i>-- (?)

<p>I love those three words -- a "vitality", a "life force", a "quickening within" -- for they come the closest to describing that feeling that moves me to make the choices I do. Why Guatemala? Why Spain? Why by boat? Why by plane? Why here? Why him? Why her? Why then? My choices and directions in life have become increasingly dependent on that "quickening within." But with each decision, Intuition has reaffirmed that my trust in her is secure and worthy. I once saw a sign in a beach town in Costa Rica that read, "A true traveler is never intent on reaching a destination and knows that her best adventures are usually found off the original path."

Where am I going next? Where the omens and opportunity lead me.

<p><b>: : : How it Started</b>

<p>About five years ago, I bought a plane ticket to <a href="http://public.fotki.com/solbeam/photogalleries/costa_rica/"; target="new">Costa Rica</a> and sat down with my boss to tell him I was taking a month of vacation from work.

<p> “No you’re not.” He said.

<p> “Yes, I am.” I told him.

<p>*very long pause*

<p> “No you’re not.” He continued. “You have two weeks of paid vacation that you’ve already used. This is THE most critical time for this company. It is unfathomable that you take leave right now. Maybe in six months we can consider some extended vacation. But right now? Absolutely impossible.”

<p>I went to Costa Rica. And when I returned from that life-altering adventure my boss said, “Well. You were right. Everything worked out smoothly, and looking back now, there was NO better time that you could have taken leave.” (Of course, at the time, neither of us was expecting that month abroad to inspire my complete resignation and the purchase of open-ended ticket to adventure…)

<p>Regardless, I think it was that confrontational day that my self-erected wall of "life rules" came crashing down, along with the authority in the words "impossible", "unfathomable", "absolutely" and "no."

There are so many rules of life that we just never question and simply subscribe to. We have so many freedoms that we never exercise simply because we've never tugged at the phantom-chains that bind them. Of course, the first time I challenged those rules, the notion seemed nothing but comical...

<p> “Ha! Imagine what my boss would say if I just bought a ticket to Costa Rica and left for a month!”

<p> “How crazy would it be for me to just quit my job and travel for a year! What a dream!”

<p> “What a silly thought…me? A scuba <a href="http://public.fotki.com/solbeam/photogalleries/bay_islands_honduras/"; target="new">divemaster</a>? I could never be a divemaster. I can barely swim.”

"How could I ever work as a <a href="http://public.fotki.com/solbeam/photogalleries/dr/"; target="new">photographer</a>? I don't know ANYTHING about photography!"

"I could never spend two months walking <a href="http://public.fotki.com/solbeam/photogalleries/camino/"; target="new">700 miles across Spain</a>!"

<p><b>OR…Could I? </b>

<p>The first time “I could never” turned into “hell! I just did!” -- life irreversibly changed. Why? Because for one, I figured out that this world, this society, this system, didn’t REALLY care about my individual life. I had broken “the rules” and the gates of hell did not open and consume me, I wasn’t arrested and sent to jail, my parents didn’t ground me, my friends didn’t disown me, and my boss didn’t fire me. I had slipped right through the societal-cracks and landed on two free feet!

My “silly notions,” “dreams” if you may, were perfectly real and attainable -- and I had every right in this world to move my free feet and take pursuit of them. Now I take my “silly ideas” more seriously than Newton’s laws of physics. They STILL always start off as laughable, but now that the pattern has been recognized, my giggles quickly transition to a grin and a “oh no, here it comes!” nervous anticipation of an oncoming challenge. Now I know -- and can recognize -- my most wild but "serious intentions" masquerading in the sheeps' wools of "silly notions."

<p>So in December of 2000, at age 23, I resigned from my position as Senior Editor at CollegeClub.com and bought an open-ended ticket to Guatemala, whereupon <a href="http://www.mercuryfrog.com"; target="new">MercuryFrog</a> posed the following “comical” question:

<p> “Why don’t I build you a site so that you can write about your adventures and share them with your online community as you experience them?”

<p>My laugh quickly turned into a serious grin.

<p><a href="http://www.solbeam.com"; target="new">Solbeam.com</a> was born in January of 2001 by the kindness and talent of <a href="http://www.mercuryfrog.com"; target="new">MercuryFrog</a>. (Merc is both the developer and designer of this site, and compliments should be sent directly to him.) It should also be noted that Merc is continuously and selflessly facilitating the dream chasing process for numerous individuals *beside myself* and that he has secured his place in the “Solbeam’s Exceptional Human Beings” Hall of Fame.

And thank you also to <a href="http://www.curiouscactus.com"; target="new">Slava</a> and <a href="http://www.thinkhost.com/"; target="new">ThinkHost.com</a> for swooping a silent hand into my life, in a perfect act of altruistic kindness, to support the website and fanciful aspirations of a perfect stranger.

<b>I consider the two of you as nothing less than my guardian angels.</b>

<p>Since January of 2001, those of you watching this site have adventured with me through <a href="http://public.fotki.com/solbeam/photogalleries/living_antigua/"; target="new">Guatemala</a>, <a href="http://public.fotki.com/solbeam/photogalleries/belize/"; target="new">Belize</a>, <a href="http://public.fotki.com/solbeam/photogalleries/bay_islands_honduras/"; target="new">Honduras</a>, El Salvador, <a href="http://public.fotki.com/solbeam/photogalleries/mexico/"; target="new">Mexico</a>, Cuba, <a href="http://public.fotki.com/solbeam/photogalleries/korea/"; target="new">South Korea</a>, <a href="http://public.fotki.com/solbeam/photogalleries/thailand/"; target="new">Thailand</a>, <a href="http://public.fotki.com/solbeam/photogalleries/australia/"; target="new">Australia</a>, <a href="http://public.fotki.com/solbeam/photogalleries/nz/"; target="new">New Zealand</a>, <a href="http://public.fotki.com/solbeam/photogalleries/fiji/"; target="new">Fiji</a>, <a href="http://public.fotki.com/solbeam/photogalleries/dr/"; target="new">The Dominican Republic</a>, <a href="http://public.fotki.com/solbeam/photogalleries/spain2003/"; target="new">Spain</a>, <a href="http://public.fotki.com/solbeam/photogalleries/morocco/"; target="new">Morocco</a>, <a href="http://public.fotki.com/solbeam/photogalleries/portugal/"; target="new">Portugal</a>, <a href="http://public.fotki.com/solbeam/photogalleries/china/"; target="new">China</a>, <a href="http://public.fotki.com/solbeam/photogalleries/india/"; target="new">India</a>, <a href="http://public.fotki.com/solbeam/photogalleries/ecuador/"; target="new">Ecuador</a>, <a href="http://public.fotki.com/solbeam/photogalleries/colombia/"; target="new">Colombia</a>, <a href="http://public.fotki.com/solbeam/photogalleries/india05/"; target="new">Sikkim</a>, <a href="http://public.fotki.com/solbeam/photogalleries/nepal/"; target="new">Nepal</a>, and <a href="http://public.fotki.com/solbeam/photogalleries/tibet/"; target="new">Tibet</a> together. We learned Spanish and how to salsa together. We scuba dived off Cayes, in oceans, through Cenotes and into sink holes together. We chased sharks and stingrays together. We learned to bartend and danced on tabletops together. We were robbed at gunpoint together. We raved on bay islands together. We battled with hairy spiders, sand flies, lice and scorpions together. We volunteered with children of a dumpster community together. We mediated and fasted at a retreat center together. We hiked volcanoes and watched them erupt together. We got on wrong planes together. We rock climbed together and we boogie-boarded together. We caught Ameobas and suffered numerous colds and mysterious skin infections together. We taught English and escaped monsoons together. We got in motorbike and car accidents together. We rode elephants and got attacked by baby monkeys together. We worked tirelessly at Club Med together. We walked 700 miles of the Camino de Santiago together. We saved turtles and learned to surf together. We hiked through the Himalayas together. We were adopted into a Colombian family together. We fell in love with India together. We discovered a passion for Eastern philosophy and spirituality together. We watched the stars and pondered at our place in the Universe together. And we shared multiple sunrises and sunsets together.

You laughed with me. You cried with me. You danced with me. You learned with me. You supported me and you believed in me. I give my ENDLESS thanks to all those of you who keep up with this site and have shared these experiences and emotions with me. Because IT is the only physical thing I have to grasp onto after returning from these adventures. How I could ever give any inch of accurate representation of my travels abroad "over coffee" is inconceivable. "You just had to be there" will have to suffice many inquisitions...but for those of you who WERE there, WITH me, my mind can smile and sigh in relief. I'm not so alone after all. <b>And for that ease of heart and mind, I have you to thank.</b> I may life out of a backpack, but solbeam.com is my home. And you are my family.

<p><b>: : : Who Are You? </b>

<p>My parents would say I'm the daughter that they gave birth to in Anchorage, Alaska and raised in Portland, Oregon. I'd be the one child that insisted on school in California where, since my departure, they've received phone calls about once a month *if lucky* -- usually only alerting them to my next skydive or adventure abroad. They don't “get” the navel ring. In comparison to my three happily-married and “home-body” siblings, I’m certainly the “black sheep” of the family. My high school friends would probably say I'm the “late-bloomer.” While they experimented with boys, drugs and other freedoms, I was busy pullin' a 3.9 GPA and a strict midnight curfew. In college, I was the "girlfriend." I dated the same *fantastic* guy from week three of college through graduation day. While I never, for one second, regret that choice -- I currently have a *possibly unhealthy* aversion to relationships and tend to avoid commitments to anything more than a lunch date… made at 11:45.

<p>When I graduated, I spent a few months in Europe and returned with some hefty credit card bills that needed immediate attention. I fit everything that I owned into my car and drove down to San Diego where I had heard that it was 75 degrees year 'round. I landed a job at <a href="http://www.collegeclub.com"; target="new">CollegeClub.com</a>, having no idea that it that would forever change my life; “Travel Freak Becomes Web Geek”. I put in 80-hour weeks *under web cam surveillance* and was labeled "loco" by friends & family and "passionate" by co-workers.

In December of 2000, I put in my resignation and purchased a one-way ticket to Adventure. I have, for the most part, been travelling ever since.

<p><b>: : : What Does "Solbeam" Mean? </b>

<p>Solbeam was my username on CollegeClub and was what the CC Community knew me as. "Sol" means "sun" in Spanish. My skin color most likely comes from my Spanish ancestors (rather than the German ones). In addition to being a complete sucker for sunsets (and rises), the sun holds special significance for me as it was what led me from Oregon to North California, from North Cal. to South Cal., and from Cal. to Central America. When I come to crossroads in life, both figurative and literal, regardless of how more or less traveled they are, I opt for the path with the most light, the most warmth…the most “sol.”

<p><b>: : : Are you in a relationship? </b>

<p> I am currently heavily involved in a hot and passionate love affair with Life. IT is the only relationship that I allow to consume my time, energy, passion and heart. I'm not seeking "another half," as I'm too busy discovering the dimensions and depths of my being as a whole.

<p><b>: : : Can You Give Me Some Advice on Where to Travel?</b>

<p>I’m sorry, but I do NOT give out any specific advice or recommendations on places to go for one very good reason; Travel is extremely circumstantial. Each person's adventure is totally unique and completely dependent on multiple factors including, but not limited to: weather, health, holiday, attitude, company, length of stay, and financial situation. If you want advice on specific places to go, I recommend you simply research online (LonelyPlanet.com, Iexplore.com, About.com) or browse through the Travel section at your local bookstore. As for travel guidebooks, I recommend both the Lonely Planet and Rough Guide series.

<p><b>: : : Are You Travelling With Anyone? </b>

<p>This is another ambiguous question. Am I travelling with one person (or friend) for my whole trip? No. I prefer to travel “alone.” But that's the funny thing about traveling. By traveling "alone", you actually meet MORE people. Travellers seek each other out. But what is probably more important, is that on the road -- you are surrounded by others who share the same passions in life and who find the same excitement in the pursuit of something “different.” On the road, we're all alone, all “in between” careers, all out of our element, and all vacationing from societal influence. And I'm learning that as wonderful as being "independent" and "alone" and "different" are, there is also something so very special about finding a community of people who share your same tastes at the dining table of life.

<p><b>: : : Where Did You Get All The Money To Be Able To Travel? </b>

<p>This is the biggest complaint I hear; "I would travel…if only I had the money."

<p><b>I pay for ALL my travel expenses. </b>

<p>Please don’t think for a second that I’m pracin’ around on Dad’s plastic. My parents “taught me the value of a dollar” by letting me pay my university tuition (at a private school no less). Not a chance they were about to finance my world stomp. I still have thousands of dollars in school loans yet to be paid back. (You CAN usually defer your school loans for up to three years.) Why am I telling you about my financial situation? Because I want to emphasize that anyone who REALLY wants to travel - can.

<p>If you want something, you do what it takes to get it. I saved. I've chosen "travel" as my treat. I count my money in days spent abroad. I don't have a stereo in my car and I slept on a futon for the first six months that I lived in San Diego until I was handed down a bed. I'd simply rather spend that money on airfare, hostels or bread & cheese. I understand the tradeoffs and have made a choice. Anyone can travel if they want to. All it depends on, is how bad he or she really wants it.

<p>And one of the biggest myths of travel is that it's expensive. A person can travel easily on $10-30 dollars a day abroad, if you're keen on bread and cool with dorm rooms. You won't be a "tourist"; You'll be a traveler. Your daily expenses (rent, food, clothing, entertainment) in The States surely amount to more than $30 dollars a day. (Please don't e-mail me and ask me to explain this further or tell me it's not possible *people often do*. It IS possible, but I really don't feel obligated to give proofs or find deals for people.) Check out my <a href="http://www.worldsurface.com/browse/entry.asp?entryid=4456"; target="new">27 Tips to Travel Cheaper</a>.

But without a doubt, it is cheaper for me to live abroad, than in the States.

<p>In addition to saving a lot and spending little, I always work while travelling abroad. Bartending, volunteering (in exchange for room), working as a divemaster, teaching English, working as a photographer, and guiding tour groups are all means that were not only gentle on the savings account, but also rewarding cultural experiences. When I first started working abroad, I didn’t have any experience and knew very little of the local language. All it takes is desire and initiative. You can search for jobs abroad online before you depart (I've found three jobs to date through <a href="http://www.goabroad.com"; target="new">GoAbroad.com</a>), or just go door-knockin’ at all the bars and restaurants in town until you come up with something. And if you’re really looking, something ALWAYS turns up.

I currently work as a "Trip Leader" or "Experiential Education Guide" leading groups of college students on 3-month experiencial semesters abroad, for two BRILLIANT little organizations, called <a href="http://www.wheretherebedragons.com/"; target="new">Where There Be Dragons</a> and <a href="http://www.leapnow.org"; target="new">LeapNow</a>. (I get teary-eyed just thinkin' about how much love I have for my "work.") I usually work one or two semesters a year and find some type of volunteer work (abroad) that pays for my board during my "downtime."

<p><b>: : : How Do You Have So Much Time To Travel? </b>

<p>It's not about "having" time, but rather "making" time. You just put you stake in the ground and say, "this is what I'm gonna do" and then you do it. No one EVER has "extra" time to travel -- at least not before they're retired. People, time, events will allow you to do whatever you wish - as soon as you make the decision to go.

<p><i>"The universe always conspires to help the dreamer."</i> <b> -- <a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0062502182/qid=1022699018/sr=8-1/ref=sr_8_1/103-9807646-7953451"; target="new">"The Alchemist"</a>, Paulo Coelho</b>

<p>When I'm abroad, I'm not "on holiday." Travel is MORE than a priority in my life....it's become my <B>WAY</b> of life. I have intentions of continuing my travels abroad for many years to come yet. If, and when, I choose to settle it down, it will certainly be abroad, and most likely be in a little "Universal Township & Experiment in Living" called, <a href="http://www.auroville.org/"; target="new">Auroville</a>, that I found in Southern India.

<p><b>: : : What Advice to You Have For a First Time Traveler?</b>
<p>Let nothing get in the way of your desire to travel. Buy the ticket now and worry about the details later; They WILL fall into place. Travel while you're young. You have no commitments, your parents are healthy, and you have the back that can withstand a pack and legs that can climb a volcano. This is the only time in your life that you will enjoy staying in dorm rooms or have the gut to drink the locals' poison into the wee hours of the morning and wake up when the rooster crows at 5am the next day to catch a bus to another country.

<p>One of the biggest MYTHS of American society that I’ve uncovered in my travels is this; "Two weeks of vacation each year is enough." Two weeks will never be enough. Adequate time for emotional, spiritual, physical and extracurricular development IS necessary in life. And this doesn't mean you have to cross any actual US borders to engage yourself. "Work=life" is just a faulty equation in my book. Take time for yourself to discover and develop your passions. You need it. You deserve it. And as Americans, it’s high time we put our foot down and stomped out this socially-supported falsehood. Try questioning "The Rules" with your boss, parents, school, etc. Push a little. Pry a little. Stretch a little. Fight a little. You might be very surprised at the results.

<p>I was.

<p> And remember, regardless of the "where's", "when's", and "what's" -- everything WILL work out. If you miss your train/bus/plane -- laugh and recognize that your adventures are never lost, but only changed.

Also, if you do fancy taking your adventure abroad, you might check out my <a href="http://www.worldsurface.com/browse/entry.asp?entryid=4409"; target="new">Travel Disclaimer</a>.

<p><b>: : : How Can I Contact You? </b>

<p>Simple. Send an e-mail to: solbeam@gmail.com. I'm a pretty busy girl, but if you send me a note or question, I'll try my very best to get back to you. (If I'm not stationary in a country, a reply could be delayed by a few weeks.)

Always remember that if you pursue your dreams, the Universe will work in your favor!

I sincerely wish you the best in your travels and your pursuit of physical, emotional and spiritual adventure!

with undefended love,

<p>:)sol

<i><b>"When you step off the edge of the unknown, you will either find something to stand on, or learn to fly."</i></b>

In This Life

In This Life (Work in Progress!)

I once had a Life.

And in it there were cream colored carpets, umbrellas, sweet coffees, vacations, white gowns, red roses and a box at the end of my driveway that received in it, each day, neatly typed letters with my name spelled almost correctly.

And one night - I can´t remember which - a letter arrived.
"From My Soul, To My Heart"....with my name spelled right.
In the morning, the letter was gone, but the messages imprint on my mind and heart all too strong. It was an issue of emergency, requiring my most immediate attention. I packed up bag and Life -- and set out on a mission.

Around the world we went, my Life and I.

Dancing on cream colored carpets of sand. Embracing the rain as we would the sun -- arms spread wide, face upturned to the tide. Coffee from the bush - bitter, black and strong. Brief vacations "home"...hasty returns to the wild flower fields where Reality streaked red.

White gowns lost their allure -- my attention caught by the whirlwind of white butterflies. Love - I found - was not of rings, but wings. And not confined to one, but ALL beings.

Dizzy in my flight, I did not see Time slip out the back door...
And one day, at the thud of an avocado on my tin roof, I woke up from reality.

Frantically, I dug through the depths of my bag, but my Life was not there. My heart raced down hallways disturbing dusty ideas that opened their doors, wiped the sleep from their eyes and replied, "no, we haven't seen it (or you) for ages."

Life. Was gone.

Something inside sunk deep in defeat. My hands, exhausted in their desperate grasp for the ungraspable, covered my face. My vision cupped in darkness, a single tear was shed. As I wiped the loss from closed eyes, the pain distored view was cleared.
And before me I saw again -- for the first time -- my hands.
Curved in question marks of their own, I unrolled my fists and opened an observation...

What did these hands really want? Have they, for one second, ached to swirl elegent mixed cocktails? Craved to shake stiff handshakes with cold strangers? Wish to wither under the brashness of cuticle clipping manicures? Return to race on keboards at the pace of 80 words per minute? Do these hands feel inspired to autograph the thousands of neatly typed letters that come in the box at the end of the driveway with my name spelled almost correctly?

And did these hands -- calloused by labors of love, naked of paint but colored in a shade of the sun, scarred by escapees of the full moon campfire...Did these hands, that know the beat of the drum as it resonates with the pulse of passion, did they really LOSE Life? Or had they in fact, in their release of the shadow of another's dream.....FOUND it?

"Seen through at last!" my hands sighed in guilt-ridden relief.
New life tingled in the tips of eager fingers as I picked up a pen, and approached the white slate to begin...

"In THIS Life..."

In my old Life I did everything right.
Everything forward, in order, upside, and even.
Obeying logic, law and sense,
In accordance with rules and reason.

But that Life is gone, and now I start again.
And I watch my hand shake…
On the adrenaline of Intuition?
At the potential of embarking upon a clean slate?

Something stirs deep inside.
And it screams to scribble.
And so I do this;
I take down my white slate from its right-side up stand,
And I put it wrong-side down on the off-white colored sand,
And I note with curiosity,
where its square corners and straight borders….dissolve.
Into their proper place; Into obscurity.

Ah! I observe.
THIS is a very good sign.

And then I put down my pen,
And I pick up my paints.
For THIS life, I decide,
Will NOT be confined to black and white.

I pick up Green and begin,

In THIS Life I shall do everything wrong.
Everything backward, out of order, downside and odd.
Obeying heart, soul and intuition,
In accordance to the voices of spirit and inner vision.
In pursuit of the magical, mystical, and mysterious
A step behind my spirit to light all that is curious,
A new alliance of heart, body, mind and soul,
Set about on a mission to bring the cycle full,
Open eyes, perked ears, eager fingers stretched to embrace,
That which guides the orchestra for the first time I face,
And to pick up my own instrument of that which resonates musically,
With Truth, Self-Consciousness, Inner Spirit and Integrity.

But I have much work yet to look back upon,
So that the shadow of custom on the future won’t cast on,
Cobwebs must be swept and windows opened to expose,
The dusty corners of ideas that I always supposed.
Time to turn the light on, to that which I’ve been told not to do,
I pick up Gray, and think back to continue…

No more answers or definitions, but lots of animated banter about Why?
I’ll believe in my dreams, and recount the silliness of Life.
No more Yes, No more No. Letting silence just be.
Complimenting the quiet with smiles and cocked brows of curiosity.
Time not confined to a cell of 60 small seconds.
Letting the rooster caw attention to where it begins and it ends.
No half truths. No hidden truths. No flat out lies.
Only holding to that which rings true to the voice deep inside.
No more guilt. No more shame. No more hidden internal pain…
Due to rigid arms with fingers pointed at reasons they can’t name.
No being told not to talk, not to touch, not to hold.
Learning first hand from the bite, the sting and the cold.
No shame for what I don’t know, but pride for who I can be,
Honesty with and health of self, only My responsibility.
No talking proper, being silenced, no sitting straight and mundane.
No secret whispers hushed, no dancing told to tame.
No blushing over sex and the pleasures my body brings,
Expressions of Love allowed to sing, allowed to scream.
No rules on the order of who, what, when, where and why.
Reveling in the beauty of that which can’t be defined.
No clinging to far away futures, or doubts about my path,
Cupping gently each moment with respect before it’s past.
No more believing in history books because their voice is in print.
Becoming my own Truth detective, delighting in the chase of each hint.
No more accounting of Life in simple years passed by,
Validating my existence in sweats, screams, smiles and sighs.
No more pink, no more blue, no more sexual definitions of Who,
Each to her own path of discovering exactly who is You.
No more tall, no more short, no more fat, no more thin.
My spirit can hardly be confined to the body I’m in.
No more black and no white. No more wrong and no right.
Knowing all shades of gray only depend on the light.
No more scoffing at magic. No disclaiming daydreams.
Both exist in realms where what Is doesn’t Seem.
No more participating in traditions that I don’t understand.
But treasuring those with meaning I can grasp in my hand.
No more planting in zones of comfort and security,
Drifting on a wind of change as would the flower’s seed.
No more borders or barriers or titles to land,
Claims to ownership melting as a wave on the sand,
No more taking tickets and waiting in line for a Life,
Getting lost in the isles and in its pursuit finding delight.
No more sightlessly following the letter of law or of rule,
Asking my inner spirit for guidance on how I should choose.
No more bicker and banter about what’s real and what’s not,
To each to her own on what’s found and what’s sought.
Blue not confined to one single color dye,
But falling on a spectrum of shades of water, bird and sky.
Not just applauding the single moment the sun sets,
But encoring the night show for which the deepest sighs are kept.
No more bombs on the personal or war line fronts,
Fighting brutally for peace with unconditional Love.
No more TV, or movies or envying celebrities,
Finding the adventure in my own life, and meeting the Hero in me.
No more gossip or assumptions of those I don’t know,
Turning that energy to learning on instead how I might grow.
No more self-centered worlds based on “I” and on “me.”
Turning to “us” and to “we” and the web of our interdependency.
No more filling in voids with material toys,
Filling my chest with Truths that to only my heard I can hold.

And with new light cast from the past to the present,
Perhaps it’s time to extend from what isn’t.
Addressing what can be of the future starting now,
I pick up Yellow, and allow my thoughts to follow…

I will slow down my step and reach out to the wall,
No moment worth rushing, but to each attention being called.
I will congratulate death, recognizing it as pregnant with Life.
And hold every product of my being as gently as a child.
I will say sorry first, and get in line last,
Knowing Time is not limited to Present, Future and Past.
I will talk with my eyes and hear with my heart,
Understanding Truth as a 6th sense of creativity and Art.
I will feel my body, even when there is no pain,
I will dance without music, and laugh without aim.
I’ll celebrate birthdays as I would any other day,
But I’ll celebrate EACH day, as if it were the 1st day.
I’ll never reject a gift, even those I don’t need,
Knowing it’s a gift to the Giver that I happily receive.
I shall stare at the stars blankly for hours on end,
Enjoying the mental play they inspire and the questions wherein.
I shall value the life of an ant as my own,
Our similarity respected, our interdependency known.
(To Be Continued)

And with blue, I conclude;

With this promise,
I thee wed.
To Love thee Life,
Till my deathbed.
A material bundle you no longer are.
Not lost from my bag,
But a promise of the heart.

Travel Disclaimer

Travel Disclaimer

Should one decide to drop one’s current life, in pursuit of something unknown, and specifically (in this case) in foreign lands for variable amounts of time -- it should be warned than any of the following may result, and that such effects are the full responsibility of the person, and that the world (nor solbeam or her affiliates) may not be held liable for these consequences.


1. Humility as an American. As you learn the devastating and solely self-interested role the hand of the American government has played in the destruction and corruption of every country you travel in, you may feel immense shame, as well as anger and despise for the Government and Media that has hidden this history from you. You may suddenly become aware of the “Ugly & Ignorant American” stereotype walls that you will have to peacefully break down in every interaction with someone of a different nationality. And you may suddenly feel immense guilt for the wealth of your nation upon the acknowledgment of how that wealth was acquired and of the alarming rate of how it continues to selfishly consume the world’s resources.

2. Self-dependency. Traveling takes courage, passion, endurance, independence and an immense amount of self-dependency. Although these qualities within may not be initially recognized, it takes all of them JUST to get on the plane. And then, through continual and rigorous on-the-road application – these traits begin to strengthen and solidify. You might suddenly find yourself feeling STRONG, solid, complete and incapable of nothing. You might find yourself adverse to old ideas of finding someone else to “complete yourself" and instead find a new passionate relationship with life that fills an emptiness that you may have once misidentified. Self-recognition as a complete and whole person, in need of no thing or other person, could bring unlimited personal freedom.

3. New taste for the simplicity of food. Physically seeing (maybe for the first time) where food comes from and watching (or partaking) in the harvesting of it may give you new respect for the beauty of that process. You may become suddenly disturbed by the idea of eating anything that is plastic-wrapped, “instant”, or chemically manufactured. Instead, you might be more inclined to chose those items you can pick off trees and out of the ground -- those foods that you can see whole and were naturally made perfect for nourishment. Also, traveling through countries where people who have so little food, and witnessing their heartfelt appreciation of what little they DO have -- may inspire admiration, if not a change in your own relationship with something you may have been previously taken for granted.

4. Questioning and redefinition of Religion. As you come face to face with, and find yourself in serious respect of, people of other cultures who practice religions of entirely different beliefs, you may begin to: 1. Question the authoritative forces in your life that defined for you what exactly is “right” and what exactly is “wrong”; 2. Realize that there is no “evil”, “devil” or “hell” and only that there are two different perspectives and forces acting on the end of every spectrum and question – none being more valid or less “good” than the other.; 3. Chose to reject and/or redefine for yourself new laws of living life.

5. Disinterest in materialism. After traveling, you may find yourself holding a pair of nylons or a tie in your hand, staring at it quizzically and asking, “why?” Material possessions may lose their logic…and therefor their luster. Excess of money may be seen only as “binding” to responsibilities you no longer desire. Cars and houses and other such items may become commitments you no longer want to agree to. On the road you may even acquire a renewed interest in bartering. You may begin to take greater joy in the personal exchange of services for services and find new respect for the beauty of putting “love” into something you make, and receiving in compensation, something that was MADE with “love.”

6. Discovery of new passions that could certainly change, and possibly consume, your life. You may be subject to any of the following: foods you’ve never tasted before, music you’ve never heard before, landscapes you’ve never seen before, cultures you’ve never smelled before, freedoms you’ve never felt before, and people you’ve never realized existed before. One or more of these new awarenesses could possibly spark something inside of you that could level everything else in your life to menial. And one of these passions or persons might even go so far as to claim itself as your “destiny” in life, prompting you to disregard or deny your *former* life as it was known in pursuit of something that "speaks to your soul."

7. Respect for the intelligence of nature. Being subject to both the beauty and power of nature may change your personal relationship with it. Finding yourself at its mercy at some point in your travels -- is entirely likely. And this confrontation may justify a new overwhelming respect for life. In the midst of jungles, oceans and deserts -- witnessing the ecosystem at work first hand -- may bring to mind a list of unanswerable questions in regards to who or what is really orchestrating this melody of intelligence. You may be subject to a renewed interest in the cosmos, and the questions behind it. You may no longer need Ansel Adams in your living room, for after witnessing such glimpses of beauty regularly, you may recognize his gallery as petty.... at least in comparison to the one now in your living mind.

8. Conscious Living. As a direct result of placing yourself in completely foreign and unknown environments, you may find yourself with heightened awareness of your senses and life. Because everything (sights, smells, touches, tastes) in a different place IS different, you will actually notice and appreciate those differences. You might actually even feel as if you are “awake” for the very first time. This new heightened awareness, or conscious living, might even be carried BACK with you when you revisit those places you thought yourself familiar with. Things may not have changed, but your perception of them might and though your physical travels may have discontinued, your new appreciation of life may tread onward.

9. Increased concern for the environment. As you begin to experience the innumerable pleasures of this Earth, and for the first time witness the devastating effects the human race’s misuse of those resources, you may become seriously concerned about the future of the environment. When, for instance, you walk out of jungle trek, and see acres of it being ripped from it’s roots; or when you see a Whale Shark, and then learn that their population has decreased by 90% due to water pollution; or when you witness the crippling diseases of an entire community of people because of air pollution -- not only may you begin to question the endurance of this earth, but also your personal responsibility to care for and maintain it. Any one of these causes might also prompt recognition of a role that "needs" to be fulfilled by you.

10. Belief in Magic. Las Vegas, Disneyland, Seaworld and other such amusement facilities may suddenly lose their charm when such realizations are made as: the Luxor Pyramids actually DO exist -- in Egypt; that castles ARE real -- and exist is misty mountains throughout Europe; that dolphins spin, flip, smile and squeal all by their free selves in all the wild oceans of the world; and that all "performed magic" is really inspired by, and in immitation of, some greater "natural magic." Those said American establishments may begin to take on the flavor of imitation crab and your refined tastes for experiencing the originals may become insatiable. On the road you may also personally witness the "miracles" and "magic" of life and nature personally. Such experiences may include, but are certainly not limited to: erupting volcanoes, phosphorescent underwater light shows, asteroid showers, overwhelming remains of ancient civilizations, natural hot springs, towering waterfalls, and animals you’ve never seen behind cages at zoos. Simply because things are new, and because they lack explanation, they may become nothing less that an act of magic, or of God. Your interest in life may become more childlike, and your new perception, delightful. Your new belief in "magic" may even evolve into into the theory that we each, individually, with only a slight change in perception, have the power within to make everything in life mystical and/or magical.

11. The possibility of a major change in career or educational direction. Your formal education and/or training may suddenly feel very low in value. As you recognize and appreciate it for it’s role in bringing you to the place you are now, you might feel that your “learning” has just begun and that your continued schooling may NOT take place in a classroom. While traveling, you may receive your most important lessons from teachers who are not literate or you may make your most startling realization in complete silence while watching a sunrise. You may even be moved to work for something you are intuitively inspired to pursue. And you may realize your unlimited potentiality, and begin to feel obligated to live up to it.

12. Addiction to constant stimuli. At first, new worlds may feel overwhelming. But as you begin to recognize patterns in them and become accustomed to the constant bombardment of new stimuli – you may find yourself becoming “comfortable with being uncomfortable.” You may even become addicted to the high of having your limits pushed and may find yourself craving that constant and ever-upward learning curve. A former lifestyle -- and it’s habits and customs -- may suddenly become scrutinized, and may no longer be worthy of your attention or energy.

13. Heightened sense of intuition. As your prior concepts of everything “that the world is” are suddenly confronted with conflicting realities, you may begin to lose faith in the world your senses have created thus far. As you realize that not all things are as they appear, you may increasingly rely on how you “feel” in response to things – seeking direction within your intuition. And if this “feeling” proves itself trustworthy, you may become increasing dependent on IT to find Truth in everything.

14. Feeling “different”. Society and it’s players may subject you to the titles of “weird”, “crazy”, “irresponsible”, “lost”, “nuts” or “odd.” The fact that you have chosen to pursue something that 99.99% of world doesn’t have the opportunity, or desire, to pursue, will forever and irrevocably make you “different.” This feeling, when analyzed while under the influence of the paradigm of a particular society, can lead to feelings of discomfort BUT, on the road, and in the presence of other like soul-seekers, nothing (and I mean nothing) will ever feel so right, or so good.

15. Questioning Authority. As you begin to witness first hand the international issues of prostitution, poverty, religious prosecution, political corruption, environmental destruction, etc. you may begin to question every “fact” you’ve been told, every “statistic” you’ve heard quoted. You may begin to wonder how this overwhelming reality presenting itself to you right now could ever be contained to one quote or statistic. How the rest of the world could NOT be immediately concerned, or even aware, of what is happening might become baffling. And more importantly than questioning what you have been told, you may begin to seriously question what you HAVEN’T been told – and WHO has and hasn’t been telling you those things. In addition to questioning all the “authorities” in your life, you may come to the decision, that the only conclusions you can have faith in, are those that you know intimately yourself.

16. Emphasis on the Present. A lack of concern for the past and the future, and a concentrated interest on only the “now” may begin to predominantly influence your decisions in life. As already mentioned, while traveling, you may feel “awake” for the first time. You may love your history for bringing it to this point now, and love your future because of your confidence in yourself to make it beautiful, but appreciation for this very moment in time may become the only that concerns you. You may also find yourself more in tune with those senses that perceive the “now”: the wind breezing across your shoulders; the songs of different birds in the trees; the feeling of body that is NOT in pain; or the warmth of the sun on your face. And your breath; You may find yourself acutely aware of that life giving force that is the difference between this world and the next.

17. Mental freedom. As you begin to really LIVE your life, fear of dying loses its influence on you. You may begin to think, “If I died tomorrow, at least I died living.” The words “I could” and/or “I would” may be replaced in your vocabulary with “I do” and “I am.” A growing history of personal conquests may give you a silent confidence that you will be able to confront, succeed, and learn from all those challenges that life chooses to present before you. Every event, every person, every place – becomes an opportunity for self-discovery. And simply knowing that you tried, and gave it all the chance you could -- may lead you in conclusion to the realization that the “outcome” was -- all along – inconsequential. And finally, direct and unrelenting pursuit of your personal potential in this life may result in a sense of peace that may completely overwhelm your being.


It should be noted that this disclaimer was created only via the perception of one *young & naive* person and her, specifically, "travel-oriented" perspective. It is entirely likely that these same effects may be attained through other, different -- but entirely equal in value -- activities. The boundaries of this earth and all that one can do within it are limitless. Those individuals choosing to pursue their potential in life and the adventures wherein, will be held entirely responsible and liable for all such activities conducted through those experiences. Those said individuals -- will also -- hold the utmost respect and admiration on the part of the author of this disclaimer.

Editor's Note: This disclaimer was composed as a direct response to one questioning reader. If you have any questions or issues that you would like to see answered or addressed, please let me know by sending me an email (solbeam@solbeam.com) for I am always looking for new ideas to contemplate!

Pack It In

<h3>: : : Packing List </h3>
<p><b>So, wondering how you pack everything you need for a year into one backpack? </b>
<p>Some people find this process challenging and stressful, but I love it! Travel stores are like Disneyland. I can get lost for hours in the isles of water filters, bag locks, country guides and rust-proof-pants. (I was even offered a job during my last escapade at Adventure 16.) There is, of course, a lot of research that goes into picking each item that claims precious space in a pack. Learning how and what to pack from the process of trial and error is the natural way, but CAN lose its charm when you’re camping in the jungle and wake up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom and realize you forgot your flashlight. It’s for this reason that I am offering up my own learnings presented in this basic "Packing List."
<p>But caution! This should only be used as a guide, and if it should fail you in anyway, please resist the urge to send me hate mail holding me responsible. That said, Happy Packing!
<p><b>Clothing: </b> The clothes you pack are highly dependent on many factors, including, but not limited to: destination, weather, activities, season, formality, style, length of stay, washing resources and budget. Here's some general advice: Stay away from cotton. It's heavy, it wrinkles, it’s hard to wash and dry and it starts smelling bad, fast. Opt for nylon or polyester blends, which dry super fast, are easy to wash, don't hold stains and don't wrinkle. Dark and neutral colors are best. I know it's hard…but ditch the denim also. That stuff is heavy and takes days to dry. If you have the cash, the special "back-packing" clothing can be worth the money. On my first trips, I just brought a bunch of old stuff I knew I could throw away (and did). On my latest year abroad, I dipped into the savings account and invested in the gear with extra zippers, extra air-pockets, special linings, super fast-dry fabrics and easy-clean materials. The people who make this stuff KNOW what they're doing. Everything took up about an inch of space in my pack and I was never too cold or hot, always dry (yea Gor-Tex) and my gear cleaned up in two minutes in the sink. AND it survived the year in perfect condition and sits ready for my next adventure. If you're going though Europe or cities with kickin' nightlife, you're gonna need something that looks nice. The easiest way to do this is to just "go black." I found that in Central & South America, there just isn't as much shame in looking like a traveler. First time travelers ALWAYS pack twice as much as they need and end up shipping half of it home. Try your hardest to keep your selection simple and remember -- you can almost ALWAYS buy what you need abroad (should you REALLY need it).
<p><b>Super-Absorbent Travel Towel:</b> Most of my tricks revolve around saving space in my pack, as this one does. You can get one of these towels at some travel stores and they usually carry them at those high-tech stores like <a href="http://www.brookstone.com/shop/product.asp?product_code=276410&;search_type=search&search_words=towel" target="new">Brookstone</a>. Regular towels take up a LOT of space in your pack, take forever to dry and start smelling rank fast. These special towels are super-absorbent, very lightweight, and dry in an instant. I bought the smaller sized one in green (try to avoid white completely when it comes to packing) and it successfully survived my entire year in Central America in perfect shape.
<p><b>Silk Sleep Sack:</b> Okay. THIS is a luxury item. If you’re staying in hostels, you should have *or make* a sleep sack. For those on a budget, you can make one simply by sewing two sheets together or you can pick one up at any travel store. Many hostels charge you for renting sheets, and you can save big cash by bringing one of these. They also <b>keep you safe from “suspicious” sleeping quarters</b>. You don’t want to hear the stories of the things some travelers have “caught” in hostels. (Bed bugs are NOT only fictional characters in bedtime rhymes.) I also jumped in mine on long train rides, while sleeping in stations/on ferries and stuffed it as a pillow on bumpy busses and the like. My starchy cotton sleep sheet worked swell, but it wasn’t the most comfortable, it didn’t keep me warm and it took up a lot of space in my pack. Solution? The Silk Sleep Sack. *rolls eyes in ecstasy*. Silk insulates you better, cleans easier, takes up NO space at all in your pack…and FEELS absolutely incredible. Yes, it’ll cost you about 40 bucks more than the cotton one, but if you’re doing serious traveling, it’s worth the cost for the extra comfort and added space in your pack. (You can order one from <a href="http://www.rei.com/cgi-bin/ncommerce3/ProductDisplay?prrfnbr=3895&;prmenbr=8000" target="new">REI online</a>.)
<p><b>Shoes: </b>Shoes are heavy, hard to pack and stink when wet. I always end up ditching a pair. Again, pay the extra buck. Comfort counts here more than you'll ever know. Here's what I take: 1. A pair of <a href="http://www.chacosan.com"; target=”new”>Chaco sandals</a> and 2. A pair of superb quality, hiking shoes/boots. My Chacos are my favorite shoes in the world. I’d cry if I lost them. These sandals work for beaches, showers, mountains, caves, rivers, and won’t even slip when you’re hiking in mud. Perfect for traveling, as you’ll notice when you see EVERYONE else on the road sporting them. (If you don’t bring sandals of some sort, make sure to bring something flip-flop-like for the hostel showers. Trust me on this.)
<p><b>Money Belt: </b> You have to bring a money belt. I've tried a variety of styles and have settled on the waist style in black (never looks dirty). Don't get lazy and start wearing it outside your clothes -- it will get stolen.
<p><b>Daypack:</b> A small daypack or backpack is a necessity. Something that you can use to carry your guide book, camera, water and poncho on short outings. Remember to sling shoulder strap bags across your body and to turn backpacks to the front in crowded subways and busy streets. Watch out for bag-slashers.
<p><b>Camera:</b> You don't have to be a web geek like myself to recognize that digital cameras are THE way to go for the future of travel photography. No film, the guarantee of perfect pictures, and the ability to send photos home to family & friends instantly are just a few of the perks.
<p><b>Leatherman Tool:</b> It's an insult to call a Leatherman Tool a pocketknife, but for lack of a better word I'll use the term. They are the best and highest quality multi-purpose tool on the market. Get a "<a href="http://www.leathermantool.com/products/micra.htm"; target="new">Micra</a>" for your pocket and the <a href="http://www.leathermantool.com/"; target="new">standard sizes</a> for your pack. This is THE travelers' tool - all by all will swear.
<p><b>Money:</b> If you're traveling in Europe, forget the travelers checks. What's more important, is a debit card (accepted virtually everywhere), some hard cash (in small denominations) and a couple credit cards. Know your pin number. Everyone runs out of money -- it's a fact. You can make cash withdrawals on your credit card IF you suddenly "must" spend an extra two weeks in Amsterdam. Travelers checks are a necessity in Central America, South America (and many other countries). Do your basic research to learn availability of ATMs in you destination countries. Commonly quoted travelers' rule of thumb: "When you’re ready to go, lay out all your gear and money and then RE-pack half as many clothes and twice as much money."
<p><b>Photocopies:</b> Bring copies of your passport, airline ticket, rail pass, drivers license, student I.D., hostel card, ISIC card, etc. The sheer act of having photocopies -- pretty much guarantees you won't lose the originals. Give your copies to your travel mate or put them in a separate piece of luggage. Personally, I just make "virtual" copies and hold them in my e-mail inbox.
<p><b>Ziplock Bags:</b> In all sizes. Things will leak, explode, get wet and smell. But the Ziplock gods will spare you many of these messes should you pay them homage at the supermarket pre-trip.
<p><b>Travel Alarm: </b> You'll need this when you fall asleep on the train in order to wake up in time for your stop. Even better if you just buy a plastic (to avoid the illusion of being expensive) watch with built in alarms.
<p><b>First-Aid Kit:</b> Make sure to include: Band-Aids in all sizes, bug-bite repellent and relief, scrape ointment, sewing kit, Tylenol, couple days worth of cold medicine, Pepto-Bismol tablets, malaria pills *if needed*, all your prescriptive allergy medicine and birth control. Infections never heal abroad. Take care of your scrapes.
<p><b>Glasses: </b>Sun AND prescriptive. Make sure to bring a sink plug if you have contacts.
<p><b>Bathroom Bag:</b> Get one made especially for traveling. The best are the ones with the hook on top so you don't have to lay it down on any wet or suspicious surfaces. Put all squeeze bottles in zip-lock baggies during flights. Do bring a package of "Wet-Ones" to clean up hands and face when you're waterless. Bring soap -- liquid for the shower and a laundry bar for your clothes.
<p><b>Travel Guides: </b>Have each travel mate bring a different guide. I recommend both the "Lonely Planet" and "Rough Guide" series.
<p><b>Distribution List: </b> Before you leave, remember to put together an e-mail distribution list. One list of friends. One list of family. And content-appropriate news updates to each.
<p><b>Travel Journal:</b> Use it for everything: travel expenses, travel diary, scrap book, photo albums and address book. I tape/glue in old tickets and extra spectacular postcards and encourage new friends to get artistic. Bring a couple pictures of your home, family and best mates to share with new friends. My journals are my most prized possession from each of my trips and I look forward to reviewing them in my rocking chair when I'm 80.
<p><b>Book: </b> IF you do ever get tired of lookin' out the window of the train/bus, and you've already studied the guide for the country you're going to next, you might want some other form of entertainment. Hostels and other travelers are also always happy to trade and exchange literature.
<p><b>Locks for your Pack: </b> I use a small, code lock (preferred over key locks which can get misplaced too easily) that was attached to a metal cord. It was perfect and I highly recommended this method. I could tie it up to anything or just loop it through all the zippers.
<p><b>Flashlight:</b> For late night reading after "lights-out", walking dark paths, or going to the bathroom in the middle of the night when you’re camping.
<p><b>The Backpack: </b> Paying a premium price for my premium pack was perhaps the best packing decision I've ever made. This is your most important investment for your trip. Spend good time researching the pack that meets your needs (and everyones needs differ). Talk to sales reps, guides and friends. Research and shop around. For all my travels I've used a very small Dana pack that was actually "molded" to my back. The added comfort was worth every extra penny. My pack and I have shared multiple adventures, I treat it as a best friend, and I won't be the first traveler to admit to talking to it….or rather, "hearing" it calling me from the closet enticing me into my next adventure. And my best advice; Always listen to your pack.

<img src="http://images.fotki.com/v5/photos/1/10428/52515/bakpak-vi.jpg";>